Good morning. Despite my beginning to type at a 9:30, which feels late to me, but realistically is the normal time I wake up as 'early'; I've been up since 7:30. I woke up, had a shit, lazed about a bit, ate a cookie, and then watched a documentary on scientology by that John Sweeney. I had a lot of memories of the documentary last year, as that was around the time I was getting upset by that girl Marie, purging like mad and that guy Moriarty was upsetting me. All distant memories, the only thing that seems to matter now is life and death, and financial security. I have reasonable health, although I'm overweight; and I'm glad that my parents can support me with my applications (that bring little luck).
I ought to talk about my family in this post. Unprecedented in my lifetime, comes a time when people around my family and friendship circle are not doing too well with regard to social mobility, jobs, money and health. I think at least 2 people I've known all my life have died, and overall, 4 people around my family/friend circle. The most recent bereavement comes at quite a heaviness to not just myself but my family. A man who was a senior 90 years old passed away. This man would have been in the same sort of age bracket as my Grandfather, whom I had never known. My dad told me that this man who died was a friend of my grandfather, and was a good man who worked hard as an immigrant to Africa. My parents are both immigrants so that makes me a 'second generation' immigrant or something. My grandparents are also immigrants. Perhaps mine has been the first generation where my respective paternal ancestry has found somewhere to settle. Perhaps I may migrate one day for a better life; as life isn't so great with prospects here. Even though the UK is one of the great countries in the world, way better than the US anyway.
Any bad news after bereavements come secondary I think. However still heavy on the living. Two of my relative have been laid off work. They aren't exactly juniors either. They have been working for 20+ years and probably between them have 55 years of working experience. They have been laid off as a sign of the times. They were part of small-medium sized firms and they needed to 'restructure'. I wish them well. Life is hard enough and then you lose your income. One of the people who lost their job also is related to the senior man who died last week.
The funeral of this man is on the same day as the send stage job interview that I have. That is utterly fucked up. I can't go. My parents said that they would understand, and with the deepest sincerity, I have condolences for their family. Finding a job is something I need to do. I'm losing my confidence, my purpose, my social status and economic function as a human being, otherwise.
Perhaps I might say a few words about yesterday, seeing as I didn't report in to the blog. I went interning, same as usual, I got to do some more scanning, spreadsheets, databases, and a touch of a research assignment. That reminds me, I need to email my boss those links. After finishing (unpaid) work, I missed the train. I took the tube back, and I listened to an audiobook of Antigone by Sophocles. It was quite fun, I zoned out of the dullness of being on the tube, and the 40 minute journey was an exploration of the trial of Antigone, the patriarchy of Argives against women, a lot of choice soundbites oppressing women; and a realisation that the whole premise of Antigone's life is fucked up: her mum is her grandmother simultaneously.
My plan for today is not to train. I'm going to save up my energies and I'm going to meet up with a friend later today. I feel a bit shit when I meet him, because all of my other friends from university (do I have friends from university?) are successful graduates living lives like that guy from american psycho: fucking and sucking and murdering people while listening to 80s classics.
I'm going to have breakfast. I feel slightly guilty whenever I eat, but I think sustinence is one of those crucial features of life.
I ought to talk about my family in this post. Unprecedented in my lifetime, comes a time when people around my family and friendship circle are not doing too well with regard to social mobility, jobs, money and health. I think at least 2 people I've known all my life have died, and overall, 4 people around my family/friend circle. The most recent bereavement comes at quite a heaviness to not just myself but my family. A man who was a senior 90 years old passed away. This man would have been in the same sort of age bracket as my Grandfather, whom I had never known. My dad told me that this man who died was a friend of my grandfather, and was a good man who worked hard as an immigrant to Africa. My parents are both immigrants so that makes me a 'second generation' immigrant or something. My grandparents are also immigrants. Perhaps mine has been the first generation where my respective paternal ancestry has found somewhere to settle. Perhaps I may migrate one day for a better life; as life isn't so great with prospects here. Even though the UK is one of the great countries in the world, way better than the US anyway.
Any bad news after bereavements come secondary I think. However still heavy on the living. Two of my relative have been laid off work. They aren't exactly juniors either. They have been working for 20+ years and probably between them have 55 years of working experience. They have been laid off as a sign of the times. They were part of small-medium sized firms and they needed to 'restructure'. I wish them well. Life is hard enough and then you lose your income. One of the people who lost their job also is related to the senior man who died last week.
The funeral of this man is on the same day as the send stage job interview that I have. That is utterly fucked up. I can't go. My parents said that they would understand, and with the deepest sincerity, I have condolences for their family. Finding a job is something I need to do. I'm losing my confidence, my purpose, my social status and economic function as a human being, otherwise.
Perhaps I might say a few words about yesterday, seeing as I didn't report in to the blog. I went interning, same as usual, I got to do some more scanning, spreadsheets, databases, and a touch of a research assignment. That reminds me, I need to email my boss those links. After finishing (unpaid) work, I missed the train. I took the tube back, and I listened to an audiobook of Antigone by Sophocles. It was quite fun, I zoned out of the dullness of being on the tube, and the 40 minute journey was an exploration of the trial of Antigone, the patriarchy of Argives against women, a lot of choice soundbites oppressing women; and a realisation that the whole premise of Antigone's life is fucked up: her mum is her grandmother simultaneously.
My plan for today is not to train. I'm going to save up my energies and I'm going to meet up with a friend later today. I feel a bit shit when I meet him, because all of my other friends from university (do I have friends from university?) are successful graduates living lives like that guy from american psycho: fucking and sucking and murdering people while listening to 80s classics.
I'm going to have breakfast. I feel slightly guilty whenever I eat, but I think sustinence is one of those crucial features of life.
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