Saturday, October 9, 2010

Wind in the sails (Mozart during sunset)

After getting the news of my 'job' offer, I've felt a little bit overactive mentally and emotionally. I'm glad, it's about time I've found a job and I'm really quite pleased. I spent most of the afternoon today making a couple dozen RSS feeds from guardian jobs, so as to notify me of vacancies, and such. I then ventured to read a bit of my book (for the book review), and made some notes. I've given my noggin a bit of a ride today.

The title of the post denotes a certain feeling. Sometimes you feel like you can do anything, or rather, you think you can do things, that you really either can't, or have some limitations towards but seem easy before actually doing it. Jogging is the archetypal example of this for me. There are times when I jog when my legs feel like they are burning, and they feel entirely solid and immovable. There are other times when my lungs feel like they are taken out of commission, I then feel this emotional devastation as my lungs and my whole body struggles for air. If I'm pushing myself in a run, and then I suddenly stop; I feel inadequate physically and as a person. It is those times, I must remember, when I am truly pushing myself, and when I am truly being tested as a person. It's not about when you are dressed smartly, or takling down about people; its when you are really being pushed to your limit that you not only learn about yourself, but when you discover something new inside yourself. That something new is a component of greatness that you can only achieve through great pain, and once you persevere, you become a stronger, more resilient and mature person.

Often when I'm doing arm excercises I get quite easily tired in the lungs, I find myself gasping for air as the exertion of pulling my full body weight on a limited set of muscles which are already weak, a great chore on my muscles, but more my lungs. I wish to treat myself with supper tonight, but i hope not to gain any more weight. After reading that book for my book review, I find myself quite tired, and unable to continue with my schedule for today, lucky for me; I have enough space to give up the rest of the day without imposing too much on subsequent days.

Tomorrow I aspire to jog some more (with my mate), and maybe I'll think more about filling in my application form. I need to think hard about how this job will go; or if it will happen, when it starts etc. I hope the Job Centre has more advice for me, now that I've gotten an 'offer'.

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