Friday, March 20, 2015

Dear Diary,

I can't begin to address the things going on in my life at the moment. To some extent I am not interested in talking about it or sharing it right now. I'm just interested in getting through.

One thing I might mention is that my working situation has gone to a point where I can choose not to work at so many events at Shambly arena. I do still want to work there. But I can afford to work there less. Lately I've been fighting for every £. I've been invited to do a book review on my favourite cultural figure, and I have 2 potential ghostwriting jobs. They usually come around this time of year.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

dear diary,

I've been away for a while because I've been using a computer that didn't have easy access to blogger. In addition I have been busy with housework/life/illness/health/work in various combinations. Until about 2 weeks ago I've been working full time -ish.

Now I'm working part time ish.

It's my first free day in ages. I call it a free day becasue I haven't had a day like this know what I can't keep comparing and saying 'I've not had much time for blah blah blah'. It's hard to sustain a blog about my life when I'm busy living it.

I've not had much time for reflection. If you don't count the night terrors. My sertraline is reduced.

Today I'm doing receipts? why? Because my documents are in a mess and everything in my life and room and home are in a mess. I'm trying to deal with it, so I've categoriesed all the things I need doing, but then I realised how absolutely arbitrary that is and how doing a categorisation task of what I need to do isn't actually housework or admin, and I realised everything is ccovered in receipts.

So, I'm doing receipts, before doing everything else.

I've got a to do list. It's well fucking long.

I'm listening to some nice jazz music on my computer. I have a stack of newspapers to read. I've caught up on some archiving (always could catch up on more)

Now, I'm getting back to my receipts.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

lately I have been feeling all sorts of vulnerability and fright.

There are a lot of things haunting me.

I went to the GP today. I asked the GP if I could reduce my dose of sertraline. But I said I don't want to go off from it. I felt that the upped dosage that I had was too much.

It's spring already. I can't believe it.

I'm not ready for spring

  • I think that I have addiction problems. 
  • I thin that I experienced a trauma that will haunt me for the rest of my life, but that is not a big deal, so long as I have a rest of my life
  • I bought a hand puppet to try and express myself better
  • I've been doing a lot of housework today
  • I bought a saxophone and it is shit so I want to return it
  • That saxophone issue has been more on my mind and takes away from my ability to think about other issues.
  • I think that problem of me overly focussing on singular issues and their resolution take away from me being able to deal with other issues that are contemporamous to the perceived larger problem
  • I don't like how the saxophone smells
  • I am having a lot of night terrors lately
  • Hannah and I went on a date last weekend

A lot has been happening in my life. I've not had the space or the energy to update you on everything. 

I'm a different person lately. I wonder sometimes if I even know who I am.