dear diary,

There's some really bad homophobia and transphobia stuff going on at the moment in the country. I'm doing a lot of advocacy and its really hitting on me. Word is there's a dossier of docs on the government's dealings and well it will be revealed on thursday. 

Lots of work stuff and advocacy stuff taking a toll on me personally.

Anyway I wanted to talk about something different.

The Grilled Cheese. I tried making one on Saturday night. I grated cheddar and put it in a fancy waitrose bun. It went...okay. On Sunday I did it on brown bread, buttered the outside and used that cheap american 'cheese' (the kind that doesn't officially count as cheese). The Brown bread did really well. the cheese melted perfectly. I did 3 slices in each unit. That was a bit too much. I might go for 2.5 per unit instead I think.

Why Am I Focussing On A Grilled Cheese So Much? 

Things are really hard and ...this is the only thing that seems to cheer me up. THe price of the bread and the cheese are so cheap compared to getting it from the takeaways. I used to love grilled cheeses from the takeaway, but literally the same thing could be had home made and tastes just as greasy and perhaps even better. Maybe next time I'll add some sliced gherkins, put in a smashed burger? It tasted bloody good. Good feelings are hard to come by.

Also feeling super anxious and worried about the equalities watchdog right now. THe implications of it are v troubling

 ABC Please 26/01/2022

A: Accumulate positive experiences

I am held at some esteem in my advocacy

B: Build mastery in activities

Does Halo count? I'm a bit more organised and keeping on my targets lately

C: COpe ahead

I'm doing well at keeping organised. Things are difficult and I'm trying my utmost to keep organised

P: Physical illness prevention

Cycling and gym in the evenings

L: Low vulnerability to diseases

Could eat better

E: Exercise regularly

Could do better but...I'm doing a bit 

A: Avoid mood altering drugs

I am on the fast food a lot

S: SLeep healthy

This is one thing that's better than lately

E: Eat healthy

See about

 My hopes for the future

I hope that A lives happily ever after with his girlfriend. I hope my friends who are married have great lives. I hope P gets well. I hope Gavin does well with his career. 

 Gratitude: 3 things I am thankful for

1. I'm glad I have a job where I can take the morning off. I had a lot of work in the evening yesterday and had to take out of hours work on Sunday (today is Tuesday). 

2. I appreciate mum and dad

3. I appreciate being in a warm house in the cold winter. I spent some time outside and its bitterly cold. 

 Completed on the bucket list: Celebrate Jessie's wedding

 There is a British English expression: a game of two halves. Often friends would call me out for using exceptionally culturally specific expressions for cultures to which I do not really belong. Referencing a footballing metaphor would be one of them. (Not Cricket is the one my friens find humourous)

The past two weeks very much have been a game of two halves. Or is it the past week? It feels all very long to me.  Let's go back to the 22nd and do a (don't say whistlestop tour) short summary of recent events.

22nd December: I went to see Matrix Resurrections. A week after watching Spider-Man and it was very fun seeing both. It wasn't about how good or bad the film was. Both films were massive nostalgia rushes. December tends to be all about nostalgia.

23 December: I was very unwell if I recall. I slept almost all day. I want to say it was me still recovering from the covid jab.

24 December: some odd situations at work that I responded to in a minimal way but I wanted to begin holiday mode

25 December: I was mostly alone. I had an uncomfortable confrontation. 

26 December: I began to work on my PDFs of 300 magazines from 2021 that I wanted to finish by the end of the year.

27 December (Monday): The Gyms open after bank holiday. I try to do my ritual of gym every day.

28 December (Tuesday): I have been trying to do a book a day and I am edging (hehe) closer to the 50 books for 2021 target. I'm so close

29 December: (Wednesday): I have a slight dip. I write a new week of workouts 

30 December: Thursday: I forget my book but I manage to save the day and finish reading the PDFs and I manage to finish all of my books for the year. I have a bad sense of fatigue

31 December (yesterday/Friday): I had a good one at the gym. I unfortunately broke some bottles after dropping my bike after shopping in Tescos. I broke my bundaberg. Around Midnight I had a video call with the boys

1 January (Today): I have a slow start to the day. The latest I've woken up to lately at 9am. Steve ALlen on LBC feels very comforting. I do some chores that I've been putting off for a while. I vacuum my room. I clean my gloves. Boyo boyo are my gloves dirty

Note to self. I should do a claeanup on my bike and get my bike serviced. 

I've had a lot of time to myself in the past week and a lot of time to build myself and work on myself. I feel like I've healed a bit. I need more time and I realise that I really need to get on with tasks that involves a lot of underlabouring. I need to work on stuff and work on myself in a way that is akin to bodybuilding. Constant training and behind the scenes working all for that one moment in the show when the body is all on display. Like the pianist who practices for hours for a performance that's merely minutes. Why didn't I give the piano allegory--my bloody background is in music!