Things I did today that didn't make things totally shit

• I didn't self soothe with pringles or takeaway
• I did manage to rest during a weekday
• I got all of my pdf reading done
• I bought a private eye
• I got lunch at the diner's caff earlier
• I had a nice gchat with a colleague
• Got my logging done

Wednesday 29 July

On Wednesday 29 July, I didn't get so muchwork done. The formal consultation process for voluntary and forced redundancies begun at work. 110 people will be met to discuss the future of their role in the company (i.e. they are fucked). I haven't been invited to those meetings. That means I've survived the first wave of cuts. The staff will be reduced by 12%. 

Morale is at an all time low right now. I didn't get much work done. Another thing going on at the same time is that I'm part of an inter-industry body and we have had a report of some bigoted behaviour going on in a member group. We need to get involved to help them. 

dear diary

I've lost my way lately. I've been overeating and my energy levels have been at an all time low.

At work they have announced that there are going to be job losses. There's a chance (although smaller than others) that this will affect my job. It will affect my job title and job description. The company is doing badly in this current economy.

I've been dealing with it by eating more. I've gained 5-6 kg. I need to change my lifestyle around. I need to stop with the pringles and with the takeaways. It doesnt help that I'm forced to stay inside because of the pandemic. I'm feeling very anxious going outside even when it's on the bike. 

I have found some solace in keeping to a routine and some solace in keeping a job. If I lose the job, well its downhill. I find that watching tv helps. watching UFC lately. I've suddenly gotten into UFC. I'm learning to wear the mask in public more. It's difficult to breathe in and it makes my temperature go up when I wear it. I guess i need to get used to it. 

The things I will do before I go to bed tonight: 

• Finish watching this documentary (Jimmy mccogvern drama) called 'Anthony', very moving
• Finish non priority schema
• Finish logging
• Do a diet plan for the next few days

Job cuts have been announced at my work. It's no easy thing to deal with. There's a lack of communication between parties about the whole process. It's going to be between management and a series of delegates. 

I'm scared if I am honest. I have a feeling that people who used to sit on my desk will ...not be there in the future. 

3 things I'm positive about

• I have managed to do some self soothing today and yesterday. by takeaway food and watching tv
• I managed to read a month's backlog of papers stacked up on my desk
• I'm having a hard time and I am having a good go of it, considering all things

Things I'm looking forward to:

• Keeping my job (assumption)
• safety
• health

it was my birthday weekend and I had a good time. then I had a big mood drop. 

i need to think about my precepts, I need to think about my ABC PLEASE

Accumulate positive experiences - I had some. I wish I had fewer negative ones

Build mastery in activities - I need to read more and keep up with the admin. Cycling is all good and well 

Cope ahead - more planning and more admin

Physical illness prevention : I think mental health feeds into this

Exercise regularly: it takes a lot of my mental energy to cycle daily so maybe I don't need to. 

Eat healthily: I think I did okay these past few days?

It was a good weekend which just passed. except for the fact that when things go too well, my brain has a bit of a mood drop. 

On Mondays I get a bunch of reminders from Keep that aim to ground me. Here are some of the insights from those flash cards.

Ask for help when needed

When things get tough, its okay to ask for help,

Think about the future

Think about the future you want and having a better life

Take stock

Think about the things you have achieved and use it as a base

Anger

There are little things I can do to dissipate anger. They seem small but they are like little meanders of a brook, redirecting an instant  flow, having a few bends might just be enough

Think about your goals

I have set out some specific goals. I have a lot to do for sure. It gives me something to get on with

Avoid avoidance

There are a fair few things that I've been meaning to do that I've been putting off. Specifically: there are a stack of papers and magazines that I haven't read yet. I could do that today. If I could just finish my stack of papers today, that would be a big achievement for the evening.

Anyway. it took me a bit of a while to set up today but I'm definitely here. Maybe if I did a full day of work I'd be finished by 7pm. I'm off to the office now.

Every week I look at my ABC PLEASE Mnemonic. I had trouble getting out of bed today. I was very tired. I think it was the accumulation of pushing myself quite a bit the past few days. On Saturday I went down to westminster for a cycle and then I spontaneously was invited to an outdoor restaurant. For context, it was July 4 and the media had called it 'super saturday' as it was when the lockdown began to ease around England (not necessarily around the whole of the UK).

I've been on high gear lately (says the guy with a 2 gear bike) so I haven't had processing time to reflect. So that's what I'm doing now. Lets do ABC PLEASE for this week

A - accumulate positive experiences. Yes I've done a bit of this recently

B - build mastery in activities. Positives where they are due: I'm reading a book almost every day and I'm cycling often

C - Cope ahead. I need to work more on this if I'm honest. Perhaps this means I need to achieve a balance of not doing too many things at once (like cycling). I have a stack of papers I haven't read. I'm 2 issues of private eye behind!

P - Physical illness prevention - cycling, and not too much outdoor stuff 

L - low vulnerability to diseases. Cycling again. But perhaps I should think about mental health more

E - Exercise regularly - I miss the gym. Obviously cycling. I might try a 10 mile tonight 

A - Avoid mood altering drugs - does fast food count? Yes I think it does. I could do a bit less with fast food. On the other hand I haven't had a wimpy in a while

S - Sleep healthily. I think this relates to how I organise myself wider. I need to get my admin done earlier on in the day, finish it earlier and so off to bed earlier. Maybe this means I don't cycle as much

E - Eat heathy. Even though I'm having the fast food, I do sometimes order veg heavy foods