Wednesday, November 3, 2010

purged again

Today's XKCD

Today has not been terribly productive. I had a good start today, I did a lot of job searching; sent off an application, and I attempted to clear up some of the GCal schedule. I then purged. After I purged, I think my body went into a shutdown, and then I fell asleep for 3 hours. I felt kind of depressed as well, you might say; because I didn't want to get out of bed, even though I was aware of the schedule and such.

Perhaps that's why I fucked up my masters. Purging all the time made me sleep a lot, and lay in bed, and laze about. Instead of work. Am I going to let mia control me in the same way now? When I'm just about to start a new job, when I'm going to se Rachmaninov this week; and when all seems to be going well in the past week with tutoring and all the things that I kept busy with?

Mia is irresistable. Especially now more than ever. I got upset on sunday, that's why I purged on monday. I got upset on tuesday thats why I purged today. Nothing seems right with the world. The political reality looks worse now than it ever did, and its impacting in small ways to my life. I feel too tired even to fight Mia's influence. When she promises that I can be thin; no other oppurtunities for aspiration that the better me had can be achieved. Mia is an empty promise, a compensatory measure to the drudgery of what mess I've made of my life.

I ate something once I got up and my mood suddenly picked up. I may not have done everything on my schedule; but I must be aware that tomorrow, and friday are going to be occupied. I have a concert which I might go to directly after work (which means I'll stay later); and I'll have to plan a route, and once I go home I'll have to think about preparing for friday. In short; I dont have time to apply for jobs on those days and I'll have to plan ahead for the following couple of days.

Oner minor observation that should be worth saying is that I've learned a lot about london in the year that I've moved back. I've went to many different areas for all sorts of reasons, and I guess I've learned a proper understanding of the city instead of staying in the same places all the time.

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