Saturday, November 6, 2010

Baptism of Fire

Good evening.

The first day of work was scary for the first 5 hours, okay for the next 5. Then anxiety ridden/tiring when it ended. I realised the one important thing of working: i need to sign in and sign out before and after I leave. I pencilled in my name ending the day. I hope its recognised as work so that they pay me. That would fuck me over if its not recognised.

So, what's my first impression. The first impression when I did things wrong in the first shift was that I hated it, and I kept worrying that things got wrong. As the evening went on, it wasn't as bad. I kept asking myself throughout the day: is this worth 70 or so pounds? I felt emotionally and physically drained at the end of it. I suppose I could be philosophical and say that I faced a challenge that day, and I faced a lot in my anxieties and social skills. I survived.

The journey to work was horrid. There was one station stop to the destination where the tube was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING PACKED. There was this horrid smelling woman by the end of it and i breathed with my mouth. I swear, I fucking swear; in the tube I really am testing my emotional limits. The journey home was much worse. Because the way home was through a large fireworks display location, it took nearly 3 hours to get home. THe tube was frozen and virtually impossible to board. I decided to take the bus. I think I regret that decision now. The bus on the road was frozen for nearly 2 hours. At first I thought to myself: maybe I'll treat myself when the day ends. By the time that the day ended; there was no maybe about it.

As I got home I felt a whole mix of feelings. In a sense that didn't matter. All that mattered was that I wanted to sleep, and eat, and maybe wank.

I'm a working man now. Next shift: thursday, it will be a long one. Today I've not done much except sleep and wank. I'm slowly recovering today. I've possibly ate too much. Im sorry that I'm not as articulate right now. My thoughts and feelings feel stunted. 

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