For some reason, I feel a bitter taste in my mouth.
I woke up later than desired. I then ventured to the train station to fill up my oyster card with a few pounds that I have left. I then went to the job centre. I filled out a form, then I had to wait in this annex part of the building. There was a cute little girl who reminded me of how Antonia's daughter once was, that made me smile and reminisce. There was also a black guy there singing songs in a reggae style. I don't think all of the songs were reggae, the man kept repeating to himself: 'the lord has a sense of humour, man' and kept laughing to himself, interspersed with songs in reggae style singing. It was clear after a while that this man was mentally ill.
There was then a man who came in who looked like Lemmy from Motorhead, he kept swearing and saying things in an aggressive way. It made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. Luckily, the security guard told the man to keep the language down to an acceptable passivity. This guy seemed angry at everything and kept saying how he's been to prison before and not afraid to go again. Seeing people like that, people I normally don't have in mind, was distinctly uncomfortable. But it's not fair to ignore such individuals. It wasn't nice to swear in front of the baby, though. When the guy came back and left again, he said 'lets get some alcohol'. Then the little girl kept repeating 'alcohol'. That upset me. It made me think: what kind of world are these people making for such innocent little ones?
So, after a 40 minute wait, which didn't go by as long as I thought, I got a New Deal travel discount. I've yet to put it into my oyster card yet, but the prospect is that it will entail a 50% discount. A 50% discount on travel is bloody welcome, I must say. I'll be sad when it expires (Feb 2011). I will say though that I appreciate if I had a proper job by then.
As I got home (I half walked the way), I started pondering and reflecting. I realised that I had not eaten all day. I weight myself upon returning home and I noticed that I was on my weight loss target that I set ages ago. That was good news especially since I hadn't given much attention to my weight of late. I was afraid I gained. Anyway, I then found myself a little tired so I had a slow bath. I realised that I had a big backlog of tasks and I felt a bit off from that. I also made an effort to contact HR about the payment issues. It happened that the pay for this month is NEXT MONTH. Fuck. Anyway, this means that I'll need to wait a bit longer to get paid, and I'll need to be frugal. I took a long walk to the counselling office and I found that someone from the local community group I'm involved with was going up the stairs in the building. In short, I was 'caught'. That's fucked up. Anyway I didn't really take much attention to that, that was too personal.
I spent the next 50 minutes ranting about how angry I got from my incarceration. I feel a bit bad about that. I'm always angry at that, and if I'm honest, its a part of my history I hate acknowledging and always makes me angry. I'm really glad that I got it out though. I feel a little better acknowledging that I'm feeling all these things. Now I'm thinking to myself how much I have to do this week. Tomorrow is the last day before I have the interviews, I am not interning on Thursday (because it's interfaith week, and well I wouldn't anyway as there are interviews. I might give a little visit to the event they are holding though. It would be nice to see my 'boss' in her element. Also she's kinda cute. Friday I'm working a long shift. I am also perhaps going out after work, there's a munch I want to go to and since I'm in 'the area' I might go.
Since coming home from the counselling, I've leisurely eaten (museli and milk; roti) while watching the last episode of quantum leap on the Sky+. At that point I realised that there isn't any television that interests me on the record list. That dawning made me realisise how numb I feel. I did talk about something during counselling other than my anger: I talked about Adorno's culture industry thesis, Schoenberg, and Zarathustra. Yes, I was talking about Nietzsche's Zarathustra. Perhaps I'll have more to say about that on this blog at some point. I guess the thought arised from when I said in a previous post about feeling like a modenist in a post-post modern world.
I woke up later than desired. I then ventured to the train station to fill up my oyster card with a few pounds that I have left. I then went to the job centre. I filled out a form, then I had to wait in this annex part of the building. There was a cute little girl who reminded me of how Antonia's daughter once was, that made me smile and reminisce. There was also a black guy there singing songs in a reggae style. I don't think all of the songs were reggae, the man kept repeating to himself: 'the lord has a sense of humour, man' and kept laughing to himself, interspersed with songs in reggae style singing. It was clear after a while that this man was mentally ill.
There was then a man who came in who looked like Lemmy from Motorhead, he kept swearing and saying things in an aggressive way. It made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. Luckily, the security guard told the man to keep the language down to an acceptable passivity. This guy seemed angry at everything and kept saying how he's been to prison before and not afraid to go again. Seeing people like that, people I normally don't have in mind, was distinctly uncomfortable. But it's not fair to ignore such individuals. It wasn't nice to swear in front of the baby, though. When the guy came back and left again, he said 'lets get some alcohol'. Then the little girl kept repeating 'alcohol'. That upset me. It made me think: what kind of world are these people making for such innocent little ones?
So, after a 40 minute wait, which didn't go by as long as I thought, I got a New Deal travel discount. I've yet to put it into my oyster card yet, but the prospect is that it will entail a 50% discount. A 50% discount on travel is bloody welcome, I must say. I'll be sad when it expires (Feb 2011). I will say though that I appreciate if I had a proper job by then.
As I got home (I half walked the way), I started pondering and reflecting. I realised that I had not eaten all day. I weight myself upon returning home and I noticed that I was on my weight loss target that I set ages ago. That was good news especially since I hadn't given much attention to my weight of late. I was afraid I gained. Anyway, I then found myself a little tired so I had a slow bath. I realised that I had a big backlog of tasks and I felt a bit off from that. I also made an effort to contact HR about the payment issues. It happened that the pay for this month is NEXT MONTH. Fuck. Anyway, this means that I'll need to wait a bit longer to get paid, and I'll need to be frugal. I took a long walk to the counselling office and I found that someone from the local community group I'm involved with was going up the stairs in the building. In short, I was 'caught'. That's fucked up. Anyway I didn't really take much attention to that, that was too personal.
I spent the next 50 minutes ranting about how angry I got from my incarceration. I feel a bit bad about that. I'm always angry at that, and if I'm honest, its a part of my history I hate acknowledging and always makes me angry. I'm really glad that I got it out though. I feel a little better acknowledging that I'm feeling all these things. Now I'm thinking to myself how much I have to do this week. Tomorrow is the last day before I have the interviews, I am not interning on Thursday (because it's interfaith week, and well I wouldn't anyway as there are interviews. I might give a little visit to the event they are holding though. It would be nice to see my 'boss' in her element. Also she's kinda cute. Friday I'm working a long shift. I am also perhaps going out after work, there's a munch I want to go to and since I'm in 'the area' I might go.
Since coming home from the counselling, I've leisurely eaten (museli and milk; roti) while watching the last episode of quantum leap on the Sky+. At that point I realised that there isn't any television that interests me on the record list. That dawning made me realisise how numb I feel. I did talk about something during counselling other than my anger: I talked about Adorno's culture industry thesis, Schoenberg, and Zarathustra. Yes, I was talking about Nietzsche's Zarathustra. Perhaps I'll have more to say about that on this blog at some point. I guess the thought arised from when I said in a previous post about feeling like a modenist in a post-post modern world.
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