Sunday, November 28, 2010

"of all the challenges I've faced and surmounted in my youth..."

Good afternoon.

I am either stating in this blog if things are going well and if things aren't going well. I am inclined to speak a bit on the latter, but now after some reflection I thought I'd do something different.

It would seem obvious to say that my life isn't going well, that I'm behind schedule and nothing is going to plan (I suppose the latter is especially true. But there are small comforts and jobs in life. I'm going to meet up with a couple of friends tomorrow. I have an assessment with a major UK institution for a job, and things that have improved my overall quailty of life lately include starting a job this month, I've done two interviews last week (the more the better, even if I didn't get one and unlikely to get the other when I hear back), and I've got a discount of travel fare until Feburary 2011 as well as a pair of new glasses. These are small things, but it does show that I am functioning relatively normally.

The things that mia did to me when I was an MA student ruined my lie. I don't want mia to ruin my life, but I also don't want to be fat. I've eaten a bit much today and my parents haven't even prepared the roast. Perhaps I'll abstain from eating later on today. I haven't purged this weekend, despite having the house alone and oppurtunities to do it (I've written the word 'oppurtunities' a lot this week, I know because I don't know how to spell it properly so I need to think especially hard to write it. perhaps there's some significance to how I use that word so much).

I've decided to put on my training gloves, because they are fingerless and my hands are cold. This week has become distinctively cold. The cold barren british weather is something that is a physical and mental landscape. The mental landscape is one which pervades my mind through many memories, many moments of sadness and few moments of real joy. Yesterday I had a trigger, I got upset be a variety of things, and I guess I got affected by seeing a lot of relics from my past in my room that I've forgotten about. I'll need to reorganise my room at some point, better still I'd like to move out.

I need to focus my intentions more, keep proactive, continue to apply for jobs. I must be vigilant, I must be active. I must strive.
Of all the challenges I faced and surmounted in my youth, none come more challenging than real life.

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