Monday, September 13, 2010

Is this my life?

I feel a distinct shift lately. It's strange. I feel so accustomed to the familiarness of drudgery, that once it does get good, I'm not sure how to respond. So, let's talk about my hopes and prospects.

Job centre gave me a few leads this week, a few job leads to check out, and an agency is coming as well who might help. I hope they give me a job, or line me up for things to consider. The worst thing that could come of it would be if its a workshop where they just told us stuff to do that 'might help'. I've had that for the past 2 years, with all due respect; I want a paid job, not advice.

Tuesday is my proposed research day, I'm not sure now if I'll actually attend to it because I have a lot to do this week. I have lost a little weight between the past few days, largely due to my confidence boost on saturday morning when I found out from hippy girl that I'm on a date! Then I found out that another girl is into me, which is likely to lead to a friends-with-benefits situation. I tell you one thing; hippies may have fucked up conceptions of natural science, reasoning and metaphysics (the things I pride myself on), but they sure like me. It must be the indian heritage I have, looking like a guru or something. Ah, I'm as indian as a gin and tonic (namely: not really, but there's some British influence there). Two dates, one week. One thing I'm trying to tell myself is: don't let it get to your head. I need to keep focused on the real goals, job, and possible research hopes. Weight loss is another goal.

This week I'm hopeful, hope is a quantity that comes sparsely in my life, even more sparse is success. With things possibly getting good, I think to myself: is this my life? I feel like I'm going to wake up any minute and I'm in third year again, fat, alone, wanking in my room that smells of piss because I piss and shit in a bucket instead of leaving the room. Those were dark days. I haven't thought about them in a long while.

*pensive pause*

Anyway, I better get back to the present. Maybe a better life awaits, or even still, a life better-than-now. Oh, and girls!

My confidence has gotten up a notch, after the girl called me sexy. I'm giddy like a teenaged boy. I'm also rapidly horny. I need to use this energy in other ways than just wanking myself off.

I'm going to check a list of books for the journal that I review for. Then I'm getting on. Toodles.

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