Good morning.
I am back from training, I went jogging, did a little bit of cycling in the cycling machine and did some upper body workout. My arms were in quite a strain, I need to learn to get used to that kind of pain. It looks like I've got a full day ahead, today is the only day until thursday where I can jog. Tuesday, Weds and friday are occupied with interviews/interning. I think that I need to finish my internship. I feel like I've been there for too long; there are new interns there and I've been there too long to be an intern, and not long enough to count as a full time real employee. There's no respect.
So now, I'm blogging, typing. I got upset yesterday. I'm worried about my ex. I don't have a 'barrier'. In the past few posts i've talked about feeling vulnerable. I used to have this 'barrier' to protect me from the world; thinking that I was an academic'; thinking that my piano education or higher learning made me seperate from others. I don't really have a barrier anymore from the world. I feel naked and ultimately vulnerable. Even when I used to purge, I found thinness to be something to hide behind.
Without a barrier I'm scared, openly frightened and socially vulnerable. I'm part of the great jobcentre unwashed. I'm no different to anyone else anymore. I'm not special, I don't rise above. Some girls think that it's cute to be openly vulnerable, however I find it no fun because people can see right through me. My attempt to fight this is to train, jog and train. I hope my arms develop over the coming weeks. I hope that I can find the time to get toward more training. I realise that time is of the essence, training days and job application days are limited, because I want to do other things in addition. I have loads of lovely BBC tickets over the coming weeks; I also want to go to see Isy Suttie (dobby from peep show) this week in soho.
I'm dallying. I am going to put off this blog post, forget about my woes, go for a shower, put on clothes, maybe eat, and then reply to emails. It looks like my intern day is going to alternate. Ugh...
I am back from training, I went jogging, did a little bit of cycling in the cycling machine and did some upper body workout. My arms were in quite a strain, I need to learn to get used to that kind of pain. It looks like I've got a full day ahead, today is the only day until thursday where I can jog. Tuesday, Weds and friday are occupied with interviews/interning. I think that I need to finish my internship. I feel like I've been there for too long; there are new interns there and I've been there too long to be an intern, and not long enough to count as a full time real employee. There's no respect.
So now, I'm blogging, typing. I got upset yesterday. I'm worried about my ex. I don't have a 'barrier'. In the past few posts i've talked about feeling vulnerable. I used to have this 'barrier' to protect me from the world; thinking that I was an academic'; thinking that my piano education or higher learning made me seperate from others. I don't really have a barrier anymore from the world. I feel naked and ultimately vulnerable. Even when I used to purge, I found thinness to be something to hide behind.
Without a barrier I'm scared, openly frightened and socially vulnerable. I'm part of the great jobcentre unwashed. I'm no different to anyone else anymore. I'm not special, I don't rise above. Some girls think that it's cute to be openly vulnerable, however I find it no fun because people can see right through me. My attempt to fight this is to train, jog and train. I hope my arms develop over the coming weeks. I hope that I can find the time to get toward more training. I realise that time is of the essence, training days and job application days are limited, because I want to do other things in addition. I have loads of lovely BBC tickets over the coming weeks; I also want to go to see Isy Suttie (dobby from peep show) this week in soho.
I'm dallying. I am going to put off this blog post, forget about my woes, go for a shower, put on clothes, maybe eat, and then reply to emails. It looks like my intern day is going to alternate. Ugh...
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