so last night, or just a few hours ago, was the reunion. I played. I played okay, everyone there thought I was a legend, amazing was the word used. They were all impressed at my playing and how I represented a past era of schooling. I represented a past era of musicians. I represented a golden age.
The guys at the college would say to me at the pub after the concert how amazing I was and I said to them, if you thought thwat was good you should have heard the guys after me. My teacher complimented me too, he said how he was reminded of our old era together and what we represented. Teacher's wife saidd to me how much what I did meant to him. I played for him, and I touched his heart. He touched us all. We celebrated him. I performed apparently legendarily. Everyone is happy. Most of all I feel happy.
On the way home as I was walking back to my life I was thinking to mysself how I need to let go of what I just played and get on with what my life represents now. I was a legend and a hero and a past warrior to those impressionable kids and younger alumni, but I know better. I'm a loser who needs to do more. I also felt lonely because I miss who I used to be. I miss being so popular and so liked and so respected. I don't get no respect in real life and nobody gives a fuck that I can play piano pretty well. Nobody gives a fuck about me seems and feels the default that I find it hard to take compliments
I felt this massive anxiety after I finished playing, like I was drained of my life force. I had a good time tonight.
I'm glad.
Ohter things happeing on monday:
- Piano practice
- Psychological assessment - I start CBT in 2 weeks.
- Reading friends essay
- Walking around school...
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