Dear Diary,

Things I've done today:

 

• Some Archiving
• Manscaping
• Purple schema tasks
• Body Attack
• CXWorx
• Body Combat (the receptionist at the gym gave me a bit of a weird look when I said I'm doing three classes in succession - I guess it is wweird to do 3 classes in a row - 2.5 hours at the gym)

Otherthings:

• Vince's mental health problems an issue lately
• I felt a lot of difficult feelings today, but I'm not sure how to describe them...yet
• I've been listening to a nice philosophy podcast on histroy of philosophy - most of the episodes from last year about aristotle
• Today is the 6 year anniversary of my graduation - i feel like a failure
• Reflecting on the reunion on monday

Reflecting on the reunion - I have been feeling a lot of difficult feelings. I felt like I belonged to the college. The school I went to was a religious school, but they also have fingers in lots of pies - Oxford, Rome, they own universities in the USA and the UK. My former headmaster is now like a seriosuly influential person in the community, social work and education sectors. When those alumni and my music teacher saw me, I felt like a golden boy, I felt like some upper level Avenger among SHIELD agents. I felt like a Saiyan among humans and picollo as part of the Z fighters.I felt this sense of belonging that I just don't have in my adult life anymore, and it makes me really sad, it makes me realise how isolated I feel. How I wish I could belong to something really big.

I sweated stuff out at the gym today. I really pushed my stamina. I'd like to think that 2.5 hour sessions at the gym become easier the more I do it. Becoming easier is perhaps another way of saying: It doesn't hurt as much - but it did hurt a lot, a fucking lot, so much that I felt spiritually inclined when I was in that pain. I have been feeling things that can only be described by me as spiritual lately.

The socialist invited me to an information evening at a nearby Buddhist Centre...you know I am tempted to go. A few people in the community group are telling me about Buddhism, and if Schoepenhauer and Nietzsche like Buddhism, it can't be that bad.