On this day: improvisation, gym, anxiety and work.

My day:

 

Woke up feeling like shit. Only slept 4 hours. Went to work. Got fucked over on the train with the packed crowd in that metal tin. At work it was quiet. Nice atmosphere. I had some breakfast at work at the lovely cantine. After work I had a text from my friend the saxophonist to ask if i was available to rehearse. I did. I had to make a new route to get there. That caused a bit of anxiety later on. My friend said he's coming from work and I needed to wait a while. Eventually we did some improvisation stuff and playing. It was fun. I think he needs a lot of work. So do I, but we are going somewhere. Getting there.

When I play as a pianist in the ensemble stuff recently, I feel like I'm flying with wings. When I'm practicing on my own, it feels like I'm punching a wall. I need both. I need the confidence of showing off, but I also need the authentic training that backs up that arrogant showing off.

After we finished the session, I realised I didn't have enough time to do the gym session I wanted...short story: I had a a mild anxiety attack in public and I was feeling very impulsive. I was taking buses and rushing home. When I got home I rushed to the gym. I was 6 minutes too late to get a place on the class. Part of me knew that, but another part of me felt: I had to try to get a place. So instead I did some weight training and then went to wait for the body attack class. The beautiful trainer who I obviously fancy was there, she held my hand, well, by held my hand, she did this high five that was very gentle and where she clasps her hand onto mine rather than the 'slapping' motion of a high five. I'm crushing on her pretty hard. I wonder if she has any tinglings for me.

Yesterday I met up with Lenore, that was fun. It was also spontaneous, but controlled. Today's sponteneity was challenging. I did a lot of unusual tasks and non-routine tasks. That caused a bit of anxiety, it caused a bit of angst. But the gym helped me through.

I'm going to get some food now. Hungry. Then maybe I'll wash. Tomorrow I've got lots of emailing and shit that I should have done on wednesday.

Well, lets get on.

Good day today. I do wish I did more, but that's a sign of an effective day.