this page is like spacedicks for my dark psyche

There are things that I do when I'm on my own and nobody is around:

• I sing to myself
• I talk to myself
• I fart
• I take videos of myself having a bowel movement
• I take pictures of seemingly irrelevant things that have a significance later on
• I fart
• I burp
• I don't cover my mouth
• I play with my dick as a comforting gesture
• I bite my nails
• I pick my nose and eat the bogey
• I look at my scalp in the mirror for hair loss
• I play with my balls
• I touch my nipples
• I pull and feel on my body hair (pubic hair, arm hair, leg hair, chest hair, belly hair, back hair, bum hair, ear hairs, nose hairs, side of my head hairs
• I write on this blog

I have given this blog address to about 3-4 people, some of them it was intentional, others sussed out it was me through breadcrumbs that I leave to everyone that lead to people finding out stuff about me.

I like the idea of having this blog anonymous because I can talk about everything and nothing, anything or something. Relevant stuff and irrelevant stuff. This is my notebook of randomness, this is my hole where I dump my sorrows, this is where I have those conversations that would be cool raconteur things but I have nobody to talk to. This is my own little world.

I don't like my little world sometimes, and sometimes I do. But I can say this: its built on my terms, and its my world. If anyone comes here to visit, please keep my world tidy as it belongs to me. Flush the toilet, close the door on your way out and don't move any of the books, I'll know if you moved it. I'll know if anyone moves the owl on my desk.

I hate the thought that I'm being watched and people know its me on this blog. I want to scracth my balls here. I want to sneeze without covering my mouth. I want to pull my nose hairs out and taste the bogey attached to it. I want to do all the shit I do back stage (in the Goffman sense) that I wouldn't when you are around. This is why my thoughts and secrecy is so important. When I found out hat someone I chat to read all the way back to the blog's beginning, I felt very naked, embarrassed, almost. I felt like how I did when I saw my counsellor two years ago. She knew EVERYTHING, and still said hello and how are you at sessions. There's a lot of stuff I lived through and that I think taht is truly ugly and inhuman. Lots of the stuff on this blog is like a spacedicks for my brain. There's an ugly spacedicks page of my soul and this is it. But this isn't all of me. THere's other parts of me. Although to be honest, I think the spacedicks uglingess is pretty accurate a way of brining me down to humanity.