reading mens magazines (not the gay kind)

Dear Diary,

I think that if my mood ever gets better I might write these posts like I'm talking to a friend. Lately I'm very aware of how isolated I feel from lots of people. I want to go on dates, I want to hang with my bros, I want adventures. Lots of my adventures usually happen through a 'work' mentality. Maybe it means campaigning, trying to help campaigners or activists, doing mentoring or improving the community - those things get me out of the house and helping people and doing things that I feel has value and gives me value.

I want to do stuff that's just for me, too. Lately I've been watching porn imagining I was the person in the porn. I've been focussing on porn where affection and intimacy, or unique situations are the thing. Gay hazing is a little bit hot lately.

After the double gym session I felt tired. I ate a bit, then I did some archiving, which I wrote about. Then I got my dry cleaning. I wanked, watched more tv, and now I'm reading mens health magazines and fitness guides. There's something about reading this shit so much that it becomes repetition: chillis burn more fat, studies show coffee helps before sports...maybe if I read it so much I end up absorbing it better. I also read it quicker. I am also keen on the new things I see on mens health, like lifestyle stuff, fashion, or new techniques or research on sports science that could help improve gains.

I need to think about diet seriously. As my friends correctly point out, in terms of the fitness mentality and keeping active, I'm doing it all right. In terms of diet I get a D- grade. There was a time a few months back where intensifying my workouts and doing more made me fitter and lost weight. Now I've got to cut the fat. Building the muscle is not so big a priority, although nice. I also shouldn't do so much exercise that I'm killing the muscle too.

The cute trans* girl from fetlife keeps asking me out. I always seem to have something on, or I'm broke. But I have a feeling we will meet up soon, hopefully one day. She's nice, I like how optimistic she can be. I like knowing her. I think sex might be a bad idea, even if attraction is possibly mutual, she's much darker than me and has this intensity that scares me, ironically enough she says the same thing to me and thats why shes  reluctant for anything sexual between us.

So, garden shit tomorrow. Onwards!

Actually, maybe continue with the reading for now.