Dear Diary,
On paper it doesn't look like I did much at the gym. in general today. I did a 'double shift' at work, which basically means I was at a big event in the morning, and a big event in the afternoon. I got out of work and went to the gym, I finished earlier than I expected. I then went to the weights, did some back and chest workouts. I really hit it hard, I hurt my body, but not in an injury sense. I felt like I was looking deep into my soul, looking deep into a universe of insight when I'm on the cusp of pain. A relic of my old mia mindset.
After weights I did some cardio, was watching wimbledon on the telly. Nadal lost, wow! I really am quite into Tennis. I felt inspired after seeing Murray beat Federer at the Olympics, after he lost at Wimbledon to the same guy. It's the stuff of fantasies and epics, but of boring quiet personalities just really good at sports. After cardio I did body combat, and it was really really really hard. I always seem to tear my body apart (in a non injury way). I enjoy pushing myself, I feel pure, I feel myself.
Today I've been reflecting on things: Sentinel, losing my house keys (then realising it was under my fucking duvet). I was late for work becauseo f those fucking house keys! Let me talk about something else for the rest of the post.
Do you remember that girl I went on a 'date' with? It ended up being a non-date because she's not sexually into me, but she is into me as a person. I chatted to her today on OkC, I was telling her about my performance coming up in July. I told her my idea of a medley, she said I was a genius. I sorta blushed. She then said to me: let me know if you want a friend to go with you to a gig or if you want to chat some time. I kind of like that. I want more friends, like female friends. I know now that its completely non sexual, so in a way that kind of makes me feel more at ease. She's interesting. Why is it though, that women are alway interested in my in a kind of 'I want to be a therapist and knowing about you will help me' kind of way? At least two women said that to me.
The Socialist girl at the garden has been on my mind a bit. She said she was interested in my writing, so I gave her a digest of where I have articles posted and stuff. I sent her my blog, but to be honest, my blog is fucking boring (and no, not this blog, the 'proper' one where I use fancy words and malapropisms). I did however re-read one of my commentaries, and I realised how uncolloquial my academic writing is. I sound 'white' and like I'm a learned person. Which is bizarre. I then sent her articles that I wrote that are relevant to feminism, book reviews, and a pop culture thing I wrote once as a guest blog. I kind of think it would be interesting to be good friends with the socialist. I admire how she is involved in activism. So tonight, I feel kinda pleased at how much I did at the gym. I also realise my anxiety got a bit high today. I was focussed on my hairline a lot today. I had a lot of social contact and worries today.
So, what now? I think I'm just gonna crash to bed. I've done enough today.
Bedwards.
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