I should sleep instead of blog at 1:59am

So I've spent the last 3-5 hours doing menial tasks. This involves catching up on RSS feeds, downloading podcasts, listening to audiobook, reading artifcles and catching up on emails. I read a cool article just now that the best way to get things done is to realise how busy you are and how limited your time is. I'm kind of on board for that.

I think I wrote my review for Monday of what activities I've done. There's much more I could do tomorrow. I've set the groundwork, tomorrow is just following through.

Something else on my mind right now: today (17th-18th June specifically) is the day I found out my Neighbour was found dead in Northern Europe in his apartment on his own. In months afterwards the stories came out of what happened to him, he had really bad alcoholism, he had a decline and was kicked off his Masters course (due to alcohol related abuse). Then he died, found with 100 cans and a bottle of spirit. My life is pretty dark because of the dark shit around me. When that guy died, I realised how my whole past with him in it was darker than I remembered it. The little things like how he never left his room or how we never saw him on social occaisions after he turned 18 - were all signifiers of his alcohol abuse. Since then his mother died, Eileen.

I know that everything in life is subject to change. I kind of hate how the nice things are changing shit, and the bad things are not changing to good. I kind of wish I changed to more good things. I need to do more to make that happen. I've made a contribution to my local community, I did some composing, I get my friends together for music which gives them joy. I'm going to be doing some mentoring related stuff in the summer.

In other news. I have been selected to perform for my music teacher, I'm part of an elite cadre of 10 people chosen to perform. I will be a soloist, as my other friends who studied under him, are having a blast in the mediterranean. I'm going to play as a soloist again - back where I was born as a musician, and where I thought the old me died.

Thinking about that music teacher is brining back so many memories, and I'm not sure if I need them right now. I'm not sure if I need the distraction.