Friday, June 7, 2013

I'm saying fuck a lot in these posts these days.

Dear Diary,

Doing fuck all today. Part of me feels like I've given up on hearing from the Sentinel. Which is totally fucked up.

Doing some archiving today. I am also supposed to see a girly later tonight. Not sure what's going on there. I don't know if weare meeting up, she's kinda flaky. I'm feeling kinda flakey too. I feel exhausted, disoriented and my anxiety is playing up. Maybe its the lack of hearing from her that makes me feel like I'm anxious. I don't know to be honest. I feel like my mind is tired. On the other hand I hate being zombie-like. Am I depressed? No fucking idea. A family friend did just die this week. That and the instability and uncertanity of this supposedly new job with the Sentinel.

I don't fucking know where I stand, in life, in everything. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck

It would seem so nice if I could just lay in bed and not give a shit about anything right now. I feel anxiety just from reading an audiobook. Today I did some coding and I was catching up on news. In the philosophy world, a philosopher, Colin McGinn who I once saw on a tv programme about atheism, is accused of sexual harassment. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. It also makes me not want to go into academia if that's the kind of environment one has to be around. Fuck me.

I do seem to be expressing a sense of frustration lately in the blog. I feel like I'm struggling just to be lucid lately.

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