another death

Dear Diary,

I remember a year ago at the wedding. I was playing to remember fondly my piano teacher's instructions, to remember him and move forward. At the wedding a couple of guys were there, one in particular, sat beside me. This guy gave me confidence to play and made me feel good.

He was the guy at the hospice last week. That guy always had something to smile about. That guy was always smiling.Except for when I saw him at the hospice.

I remember the last few times I saw him the conversation of death came up, but not in terms of his. Knowing what I do now I would have been more sensitive. At the time in november I was really cut up about Eileen dying. I talked to him a little about that. I remember back in the wedding, there was a friend of my cousin, she had a twin sister who died tragically, and we talked about how tragic it was when we get the name wrong of one of the woman, and referring to her by her dead sister's name. I didn't realise he was dying at the time.

Now he is gone.

Fuck.

I said to myself morbidly in the past: how many people will have to die before I start working full time? The universe is cruelly funny how that seemed to answer itself.

I can't sleep right now. before I found out about this I was in a stupour. I still feel stupoured