Morning haze

Dear Diary,

I woke up about 7am and thought: ah fuck this! I get up properly by 10-10:30. So it's like 11:20 now. Fuck.

I think that I have been pissing away the time because I feel unwilling to move forward today. Which is not good. I was thinking to myself that there's lots that I need to do, but on the other hand, I felt that it would be okay just to rest up a bit today and wait for things to happen. Particularly I'm waiting for that email fromt he Sentinel about my first assignment. Fuck me.

So the first task I went through today was to 'clear our desk drawers'. I usually put a cap on what to clear out. Like 10 items. I'll tell you what shit I found in the memory sink that is my drawer desk:

• Broken Sennheiser earphones from god knows when (I've been buying sennheisers since 2007 and they break like every 3-6 months.
• Box of paracetamol
• Mobile phone packaging that I don't need anymore
• Douchebag jewelery bracelet and necklace that I got from primark - it was a summer themed party and it fitted. I also got an hawaiian shirt and super short shorts. - this was back in about 2010
• more mobile phone packaging from last year
• a packet of ketchup from a takeaway - seriously man, what the fuck? why would anyone keep shit like that.

I'm not a hoarder. I just keeep the valuable things. I do like how many of the things I've kept tell a story. In other news I found some cool random shit in my desk. I found my really cool bookmark whcih hooks on the back page and has a little tab thingy that holds the page. Not so good for hardbacks though. I also found some cod liver oil tablets which probably date back to 2009.

I know the cliche platitudes about living in memories. I fucking hate that I have this tendency.

I must move forward. Did I also tell you about the coffee stirrers? I have these stirrers that I found from work. I thought I'd take a bunch. I said to myself that if I had a significant day (brodly construed) I would take a stirrer out of the pile. Then one day all the stirrers will be gone, and I will look at myself and realise that I'm a better person than I was when I started compiling the stirrers and disposing of them one at a time. It's a weird ritual that reminds me of some old childhood thought patterns.

 

I've got lots of things on my mind which are up in the air lately. I think that's what is putting my motivation off. There's an ambiguity about whether I can go out on friday or saturday, but I can't. Fuck me. I am not good at dealing with stuff.

Oh I also noticed, it's getting more humid outside. Fucking hell. Just when I thought I sorted my sweating problem.