sink or swim. That's the question for today.
I get up in the morning, I can do many things in reaction to my eyes opening. Lay in bed some more - sink. Wank - sink. Get out of bed - swim.
I get bad news about money situation - sink? swim?
I get bad memories - sink? swim?
Mia calls out to me to give me the self expression that nothing else can give - sink? swim?
I have a trigger. Persevere - swim. Allow it to seep into my thoughts and feelings - sink.
I feel a lack of clarity today with my feelings. Something that masks the mode of my true expression. What I really wank, heart of all hearts, is to purge. I don't see the point of resisting it. My weight is going up and down so much that it isn't actually going down. I may have changed my attitudes towards binging but I'm always one meal away from chaos. Food is comfort and in my state of boredom there isn't much to fight it.
I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm disappointed, I'm despairing. The world sucks, and I didn't make enough of my life when I had the chance. It's all my fault and I have no one to blame except myself. I continually find ways to note that it is my fault. Why shall today be different? When I started purging I decided to take a stand. Make a choice for change (that sounds like a bullshit political slogan).
The options seem clear: sink or swim.
Mia's never too far away. I need to purge because o one else is looking out for me. People who preach about how bad it is don't really care. They aren't going to be there when I'm feeling down, they aren't going to be there when I really need them most. Their preaching does not fucking help me. I need support and real human contact and someone to talk to. Their preaching is all rhetoric and no action. FUCK THEM
Sink or swim? The question floods my mind.
Mia's waiting....
I get up in the morning, I can do many things in reaction to my eyes opening. Lay in bed some more - sink. Wank - sink. Get out of bed - swim.
I get bad news about money situation - sink? swim?
I get bad memories - sink? swim?
Mia calls out to me to give me the self expression that nothing else can give - sink? swim?
I have a trigger. Persevere - swim. Allow it to seep into my thoughts and feelings - sink.
I feel a lack of clarity today with my feelings. Something that masks the mode of my true expression. What I really wank, heart of all hearts, is to purge. I don't see the point of resisting it. My weight is going up and down so much that it isn't actually going down. I may have changed my attitudes towards binging but I'm always one meal away from chaos. Food is comfort and in my state of boredom there isn't much to fight it.
I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm disappointed, I'm despairing. The world sucks, and I didn't make enough of my life when I had the chance. It's all my fault and I have no one to blame except myself. I continually find ways to note that it is my fault. Why shall today be different? When I started purging I decided to take a stand. Make a choice for change (that sounds like a bullshit political slogan).
The options seem clear: sink or swim.
Mia's never too far away. I need to purge because o one else is looking out for me. People who preach about how bad it is don't really care. They aren't going to be there when I'm feeling down, they aren't going to be there when I really need them most. Their preaching does not fucking help me. I need support and real human contact and someone to talk to. Their preaching is all rhetoric and no action. FUCK THEM
Sink or swim? The question floods my mind.
Mia's waiting....
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