One of the activities that I engage in in recent days is looking up eating disorder resources. Various websites in the UK, various forums and such. I'm looking for support, information, and help.
I don't have many friends that I can open up to about it, and really, I guess if I had to have a number of persons that I could know that I could contact at any time to talk to about my feelings. It's zero. They've all gone away, busy with work, life, family, new relationships, or other such things.
Do you remember that bit in Jerry Maguire when the girlfriend says 'You are not a loser!'. I kind of feel like that. Who said anything about being a loser? But That's what they all must be thinking.
I'm reading up on resources on eating disorders. I'm reading at quite a nice consumption rate. I think that in recent days, recent weeks, even; sicne I spend so much time with audiobooks, blogs, newspaper articles and other such things, I'm just consuming vociferously (yay I used a word that I learned on a podcast). It's all going into my head, all going in, learning about Tim Robbins' favourite music, the Zimbabwe all white female hockey team, Rachmaninov's second piano concerto playing. It's not as good as my normal recordings that I listen t, but it certainly has that romantic 'yearning' aspect of it. I remember a conversation which I once had which went something like: 'rachmaninov is not really a 20thC composer'. He's so backward compared to the likes of Debussy, or Mahler, Schoenberg or Messaien. The Rach man is playing and pandering to the romantic sensibilities and perfecting a genre that was over 60 years old. Gladly, composers did not so much indulge this too much, although film score fellows certainly did. Where else is the yearning of Romanticism better elucidated than in hollywood films about love and terrible romances.
I want to be someone. I want to be a person of integrity, I need to be me again. I should not listen to mia. Even if she isn't making me purge, she's not helping me, I need to be productive, constructive and proactive. I must push on and get out of the comfort zone. I need to get my head into gear and Get back into my old self. I need to push further, push hard, and get back into the routine. I think that I shall go for a jog. My schedule says that It is not prudent to jog, since there are so many things going on. However, now is the best time to jog, the weather is good, and I haven't been in a while. I won't be able to go tomorrow and I'm just making excuses that my schedule is packed. While my schedule is packed, my old aikido teacher used to say; if you don't do this now, you never will.
You need to seize the day, you need to be romantic, ask the girl out, seize the bull by the horns, state your intentions to the universe, and the universe will provide. That's what my ex used to say. She's slowly becoming a distant memory...
two jobs applied.
weight target failed
reading vociferously
maybe go for jog?
I don't have many friends that I can open up to about it, and really, I guess if I had to have a number of persons that I could know that I could contact at any time to talk to about my feelings. It's zero. They've all gone away, busy with work, life, family, new relationships, or other such things.
Do you remember that bit in Jerry Maguire when the girlfriend says 'You are not a loser!'. I kind of feel like that. Who said anything about being a loser? But That's what they all must be thinking.
I'm reading up on resources on eating disorders. I'm reading at quite a nice consumption rate. I think that in recent days, recent weeks, even; sicne I spend so much time with audiobooks, blogs, newspaper articles and other such things, I'm just consuming vociferously (yay I used a word that I learned on a podcast). It's all going into my head, all going in, learning about Tim Robbins' favourite music, the Zimbabwe all white female hockey team, Rachmaninov's second piano concerto playing. It's not as good as my normal recordings that I listen t, but it certainly has that romantic 'yearning' aspect of it. I remember a conversation which I once had which went something like: 'rachmaninov is not really a 20thC composer'. He's so backward compared to the likes of Debussy, or Mahler, Schoenberg or Messaien. The Rach man is playing and pandering to the romantic sensibilities and perfecting a genre that was over 60 years old. Gladly, composers did not so much indulge this too much, although film score fellows certainly did. Where else is the yearning of Romanticism better elucidated than in hollywood films about love and terrible romances.
I want to be someone. I want to be a person of integrity, I need to be me again. I should not listen to mia. Even if she isn't making me purge, she's not helping me, I need to be productive, constructive and proactive. I must push on and get out of the comfort zone. I need to get my head into gear and Get back into my old self. I need to push further, push hard, and get back into the routine. I think that I shall go for a jog. My schedule says that It is not prudent to jog, since there are so many things going on. However, now is the best time to jog, the weather is good, and I haven't been in a while. I won't be able to go tomorrow and I'm just making excuses that my schedule is packed. While my schedule is packed, my old aikido teacher used to say; if you don't do this now, you never will.
You need to seize the day, you need to be romantic, ask the girl out, seize the bull by the horns, state your intentions to the universe, and the universe will provide. That's what my ex used to say. She's slowly becoming a distant memory...
two jobs applied.
weight target failed
reading vociferously
maybe go for jog?
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