Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Mahler in the morning

I never really listened to Mahler, a friend of my ex always used to talk about Mahler, I remember my teacher always talking about Mahler as one of the great monumental 20thC composers. Of course, it normally came in the same conversations about Schoenberg and Berg and Webern. Now I think that Schoenberg is the real hero of the 20thC.

I wish I could talk to someone about classical music. I feel starved of conversation. I want someone ot talk to about Beethoven Lieder, Symphonies, Fugues, Piano music...

In a sense I've allowed myself to give up on those kinds of aspirations of my musical expression and appreciation. However. With the prom season about, I think that I'll lay in some music while I'm applying to jobs.

I'm listening to Mahler's 8th Symphony. It has a certain richness that is reminiscent of early Schoenberg, except its not shit. I prefer the post-tonal work of the latter. I'm filling out my second application today, and I hope that today I shall move forward with my day, my life, and my hopes.

I've got a lot to do and I hope that things will improve. There's only one way I see that it will improve. It will improve through hard, determined, and intensive job hunting and excercise. I did 5k yesterday, it took an hour. I still gained weight. I think its mostly poo that is making the weight from yesterday. Most of the food was in the evening. I did binge later on in the night though. My moment of weakness.

Anyway, this morning I was quite hard on myself and I said to myself: you are either getting up or lazing about. But have no illusions, you can't do both. You need to get up now. So I did. Its what they call the old kick up the arse.

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