Tuesday, March 30, 2010

March is over already?

Dear Diary,

Today was a day that I suppose in some ways was unique. I'll address the happenings of the day in a boring tone of a catalogue of events. I feel quite a need to express myslf in this way, although speaks of an exasperated tone; I find it ultimately relieving as I have so many worries of real life situations that I carry and speaking of them puts the thoughts out of my head.

Today I finished the training course at the library. At the end of the session, the trainers were unsure of how to continue. I think they have put me on another day for another training course in powerpoint training. It's mainly a way of biding time. I think I need to report back to REED. I'll think about it tomorrow, though.

I decided to try to keep in control of my dietary habits. I did not do very well. I ate a nice wholesome breakfast, and then lunch of daim bars and lucozade. Then snacking, more snacking, and yet more snacking. Not good. Today i managed to finish off my PhD application. Well, all that's missing now is a visit to the post office and I'm done. It will finally be done. I was putting it off partly for the fear of failure. I know failure is possible at this stage and very real a modality. that worries me as I see this as my last chance.

After a fair amount of anxiety. I have done it. Another thing that I ought to note is that I'll be missing a funeral tomorrow. I've not really pondered the gravity of this poor woman's death. The lady left children behind and her husband. I've been encumbered by the training course and the REED people. I've been behind in my job hunt and my book review, but I should be able to move forward now that I've gotten the PhD behind me. This month has been sucky. Three weeks with job centre nonsense, JSA problems for most of those weeks, and steady and sure weight gain. At least the weather is getting better and the spring/summer is before us.

I hope the next month shall promise better things. Maybe a job, a better body...

I feel like everything is taking a long time. I feel a little bit hopeless.

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