Monday, March 22, 2010

Bubbling inside

Today has been awfully frustrating.

The two people in front of me at the training centre were so loud and annoying and they encapsulate everything that is wrong with my generation. Another irk that I have is that I am still trying to chase up the job centre advisor, today marks my third attempt to contact her, and I am waiting 23 mins late for that phone call.

I feel so angry at my situation. I am angry that the mistake that I anticipated happened and I am being punished for someone's mistake; someone who won't even call me back. I feel like I am being punished as if by God or some kind of cosmic joke:

I'm fat
I'm alone
I'm living with my parents
I'm unemployed
I'm having behavioural issues

That doesn't sound very glamorous. I hate this situation and I feel angry at the world. I want to take it out on the world, or someone who is responsible but I simply am not allowing myself to. No one ever seems to take responsibility, if this is what people's values are like in lowly society I cannot imagine how hopeless the upper echelons of life are.

I'm a reject, and I feel the world crushing down on me. Telling me to give up, telling me 'this isn't for you'.

Purging doesn't really seem to fit as a solution. It would at least help in my weight, but today I've found that my weight has gotten up by nearly 2 lbs.

Nothing seems to be working for me and I feel completely isolated. I need relief. I need it, and purging isn't enough.

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