richard, the family friend.

Dear Diary,

Just having a thought.

There's a family friend of mine who is about 4-5 years older than me. I've always looked up to him, but could he be a loser? He's about 31-32 nowadays, and his girlfriend is about 18-19. He keeps applying to be an armed policeman but he never seems to get in, he keeps failing at every noble thing he applies to. He is a noble failure in that he is always applying for very high profile things. He works in a job similar to mine, where lots of guys there are retired or in their 50s doing it for an extra bit of money for their grandkids. I always used to think he'd be a big movie star, he'd always talk about that. He massively fancied my cousin but she turned him down. I always looked up to him, but I wonder if that's just an accident of age.

 

I wonder if people whom I was growing up with, who I was older than at the time, would look up to me in a similar way, and realise I'm a loser.

Who knows. I really don't want to disappoint them. I really hope I make a good imrpession at the Sentinel, and show them how much value I can be to their organisation.

I've finished up my email catching up, except one. I've finished most of the garden shit I was supposed to do. I asked a girl out this week, to see her next friday at an all night event. Gosh its scary. Apparently there will be free wine at the event, and lots of coffee. Fuck, I'm going to have fucked my sleeping schedule up for that. But its okay.

I am feeling a bit of silly anxiety at the moment.

I'm feeling anxious because I'm not sure when I'll hear back from the Sentinel recruitment manager - when the first assignment will be. I hope it will be soon. I hope it will come.

What's next on my schedule...