Saturday, August 7, 2010

stupour?

Yesterday I went to the beer festival. It was pretty average. I drank a bit too much, but I drank reasonbly. I had a few too many stout samples and probably didn't drink any more than 4 pints. No hangover this morning. It's just that stouts and porters taste very hefty. In addition, going to Earls Court was a little unfamiliar and you know how I am with going to new places...

One thing that was really weird and fucked up for my head was that a girl was there. A girl I went out with about 3 years ago. She's a finalist in her PhD studentship and probably will be a doctor in about 18 months. That's depressing on my part. I wish I had a PhD..

This girl was the first girl I ever went out with. Back in late 2007 after I got out of the nuthouse. In fact it was a week after the whole nuthouse incident. Its impressive how so much occurs in that confined bubble of university. I decided to go home after an hour of her joining our party. I played off an excuse that my tummy was hurting; I couldn't do more than 5 hours of drinking and my parents were coming home. All of which are true reasons.

When I got home I felt a bit down, here's why:

1. Feeling inadequate socially - not having a job and all
2. Feeling ill - Stouts didn't agree with me, I eventually threw up. I kind of used that as an excuse to go the full whack and vomit my stomach contents out. Call it double effect *wink*
3. Annoyance - Guy at REED wants me to go to their branch in order to 'sign a few things'. I dont want to sign shit with them. I've had enough fo those fucking cunts. I don't want the hassle of going to see them ever again. I think I'll block their number, and email.
4. Sadness - I got a response from the counselling people. Assessment appointment costs £60, further appoitnments between £20-40.

I can't really make that kind of money. I might have to sacrifice counselling for saving money. It's a bummer. It really is.

My hangover made me feel like death for a few hours, but then it faded. The rest of the evening was okay, I tried wanking but I lost my mojo so it was a long drawn out session. Parents got back after midnight and today I've mainly attempted to pick up the pieces from disorganisation. I think I've done okay sofar. I went jogging today. I did nearly 3 miles, over 4.5km and my average speed was 4.8 mph. I did a new excercise today. I was doing simulated pullups. Its like pullups but not your full weight. It's very difficult but not impossible. I felt a real stretch of my muscles as I challenged parts of my upper body that I don't usually test. I didn't go very far with it, but it made me feel very woozy, very light headed, almost a bit 'fainty'. I had to warmdown and slow down with my calisthenics, then I went for a jog. Upon returning I was chatting to my parents a bit, did some computer-y type tasks (sorting out ongoing malware problem). I now want to lay down in bed. My arms feel tired and my upper body feels a bit out of juice. I'm going to try to catch up on more things...

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