Thursday, August 19, 2010

Hero for the day

I haven't posted for a few hours. I've been in a bit of a stupour since my internship. I was very tired and I just spent the rest of the day wanking and napping. My diet plan seems to be faltering. Although I have (I think) kept to a relatively low degree of binging (except about 7 biscuits). Purging would seem a neat option of course I risk the very real situation of my gum rupturing since I'm just over a week since the operation.

I've been looking forward to a film, this film is a moment for my friends any myself. We love action movies, we love that we all mutually love action movies and we all became friends because of action movies. As such, The Expendables movie is something we all look forward to. Since most of my friends from school are outside of london either due to work, or holidays; I took the initiative to purchase 13 tickets to the film, and now I'm royally skint. I expect them to pay me tomorrow.

After taking the decision to buy all 13 tickets for my mates, I've gotten their kudos and approval; not just for looking ahead and making sure there are no problems with the day we go out, but as a gesture of great magnitude (great for my small balance too) toward friendship and taking one for the team. For today, I'm their hero. I forgot the glory of such small achievements of helping people. But I do used to have these experiences.

I want to smile that they approve of me, instead of me feeling like I'm their special project, or they are humouring me of friendship with my invited presence. I feel like a real human with respect again. So thats one thing i've committed to today; what else? well today is the anniversary of my 'A' level results. Six years. Every year I blog about it. For the past two years I've underplayed its significance. In many ways that day was the start of my adulthood, and the start of what led to my depression; the effects of which ripple even to today. Life is a long series of chapters and that one event is not unrelated to how things are now.

I used to be a hero of sorts back then too. I got good grades, people thought a lot of me. I wonder if I am still that able, intelligent and worthwhile person.

I also sent off three job applications today. I've more or less about committed to all of my set tasks for today, which is nice. I had a wank about 3pm and then fell asleep listening to podcasts. About 2.5 hours later I still managed to get the tasks done. I suppose, with the exception of not training today (there's always tomorrow) I've achieved a fair amount successfully. To finish off I've eaten a rocket salad for supper. I hope that since its at the top of my stomach, it makes the rest of my stool come out quicker. For some reason, I don't digest rocket salad. Is that normal?

Anyway, I'm going to do something unusual tonight and I'm going to watch my series, Enterprise on my hard disk.

Good night.

p.s. I think the reason I am in stupour so much is that I wank too much. Try not to wank too much...

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