Monday, August 9, 2010

Emperor (black metal) in the morning

Good morning. Despite getting up at 10am, I think I'm quite ready to face a full day. Here I am at the desk, shaven face, brushed teeth and I even have my eye cream on at the moment. I had lots of thoughts, lots of feelings, lots of challenging memories, and last night I felt that Mia was definately not on my side. The worst thing that can ever terrify me is my own psyche. Perhaps if I brought that psyche out onto other people, I'd be the worst thing that could ever terrify others.

Anyway, lets get on. Today I have an operation. I also want to apply for 3 jobs before I leave the house. Let's see if I can do it. I've not actually knuckled down for quite some time. There have been various reasons, not all of them good. Saturday I had computer trouble (I still do, but I've made my peace with it). Sunday I went out, I also jogged on those two days (for my sins).

My weight has gone down 3lbs today. That's probably mostly jogging and shitting in my favour. I need to get back down even further and push that weight way down. I spent £10 over my limit yesterday. I hope I don't spend anything this week until thorpe park. That is, if we are actually going there. Then there's expendables the week after (I think).

In the meantime I can always attempt to find a job. Eh? I need to put in some new intensity into it. I need to believe I can do this. I need to believe I can make a cresendo in a single note, as Barenboim said once in a masterclass.

This week, an old friend, and a new-old friend are coming to the UK. One of them I sort of fancy, and I know she fancies me. Once upon a time I thought we'd get involved. Anyway, I'd enjoy the shardenfreuder of seeing one of my friends make an attempted pass at her and FAIL.

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