Dear Diary,

 

Today's my off day.

Maybe a summary of the days:

 

• Saturday: Working at the Sunday Sentinel. I'm sure if you follow the news you'll see that there's the whole Kenya situation going on. It was really heavy. Affected my working day
• Sunday: quiet, manageable, slow. Not bad, I had a nice relaxing intense gym session with sauna afterwards. I played a game with myself: count to 500 in the sauna. I sat cross legged, closed my eyes and tried to focus. It was quite a nice meditative end to training. That kind of sauna was NOT fun. I felt good when I came out, i just focussed on counting, and when I got out my body was covered in sweat
• Monday: major anxiety, lots of shitstorms happening at work. A female editor (i think the only one i've worked with in that department) has not been happy with me and the other temp. Something we had to attend to that we couldn't avoid (computer induction) which meant we were away from desk for an hour. Anyway, the shitstorms managed to deal with themselves and I managed to survive the day. After gym i went to body combat and I got home. I was using my anxiety tactically that day, to avoid my feeligns of hunger through the day (i forgot my packed lunch), and to confront my anxiety my heart was on adrenaline intensity at the gym class. I find that if I run on anxiety fumes I don't last as long. 

 

So today?

I had a 'lie in' - (is it lie or lay?) and I got up at the exceptionally (sarcasm) late time of 10am. I had a nice audiobook on all night, it was comforting. Its on the history of philosophy. So today I woke up, had a wank, a quick one, I came 'quickly' within about 20 mins, i think that I cum quicker when I haven't orgasmed in a long time. It's been probably since thursday since I came. I've been working or doing other shit and this is the only desk day I've had in ages. 

So I'm doing some job searching, email catch up, mooc catchup, archiving....the usual shit. It's keeping me busy enough. I feel like I've got enough to get on with. I kind of feel like this is work, like paid work. I need to think of what I'm doing now like when I'm at the editorial office. At least I don't have to take calls. 

(pause typing to yawn).

The weekend might be busy, or I might choose to do nothing. Might meet Antonia, she's worried about the whole cancer thing. There's another couple of things on saturday. A planning meeting for a group that I'm technically a member of, and there's a soiree for my friend who  moved in with her boyfriend, actually they are all friends, so its perspectival, I might get to meet one of my female besties there, I do have good female friends by the way. I know I don't talk about that much, emphasising more of the girls I seem to have romantic feelings for or who have fucked with my head. Well this girl has neither fucked with my head and I don't have feelings for her, although this one time last month she sent me a picture of her 'gym process' and it was a picture of her wearing less than I think I should want to see of a friend who happens to be a cute girl. It's weird, with female friends I'd get weirded out by the nudity (maybe because I'd find them possibly hotter than I want to think of them), but with my guy friends (who I am entirely not attracted to), we regularly engage in casual nudity and homoeroticism. 

 

Anyway that's probably TMI. I've got work to do. I wonder if that tortelloni is still downstairs,I boiled a wonderful bolognaise tortelloni, it's so yummykins! My anxiety has been consistently  high this month, It's fucking with my appetite, I kind of feel unsure about being around mirrors as well.

 

Anyway, onwards.