...but I'd rather be ambitious and fail, than have no aspirations at all.

dear diary,

 

I had my first proper anxiety psychology session. I nearly had an anxiety attack during the session. I had an uncomfortable time physically, and emotionally, talking about what happened in a recent anxiety episode. I feel really emotionally drained. It was really nice to talk about anxiety from a more technical point of view, in terms of trying to understand my body physiologically. I quite liked that. I told the psychologist that I had a problem distinguishing a thought from a feeling. We talked about the aspergers assessment, and this is a possible problem because some of the data that they needed on me was purged.  In short I can't get a definitive diagnosis, but the doctor says its' very likely I have aspergers/on the autism spectrum. But they need childhood data to make it concrete.

 

In other news I'm trying to catch up on stuff. I've put on some medieval period music to help calm me down. I love spotify. I have also found George Michael calming. I dont' think I can listen to avant garde music or black metal very much right now, my anxiety is very high and its afffecting my ability to function. I still haven't really done a proper de-brief (a new word i learned) for last week. I'm thinking of doing a double session at the gym. I think I'm being a bit ambitious with myself lately...but I'd rather be ambitious and fail, than have no aspirations at all.