Dear Diary,

 

This song means a lot to me. It refers to feelings and memories I dont know how tocommunicate. Feelings which perhaps are better left in the past. http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/gundamseed/akatsukinokuruma.htm

 

today was manageable. I managed to survive the shift, survive well. I went on for so long that I actually ran over time. I had enough to get on with today, in fact I didn't even have enough time to get it all done. I had a nice lunch. There was an unusual incident at the cantine today. A guy started wretching, he vomited a bit in the cantine. At the floor downstairs there was an event going on. 

 

A security lady asked me: 'so are you a tutor?' - I felt embarrassed, it was nice of her to think of me as part of that event going on. Then I replied accurately, but it sounded kinda fancy. 'Oh no', I answered, "I work upstairs, at editorial". I paused, this is the part where I say something that sounds human and friendly: "they got me working weekends here! It's not so bad, quiet, but I'm on my own...have a good day!".

 

I feel like a somebody working there. On the way home I was just listening to some music on my mp3 player. I have some chicago blues.

 

I have a creative zen x-fi. It was at the time impressive to me as it had wifi and could connect to servers. Nowadays that mp3 player is as primitive as a 1988 walkman in the age of 1994's discmans and Mini-CDs. My technology is fucking old. I don't care, I'm an early adopter. Shame I didn't adopt the stuff afterwards.

 

I think I've told you the story of my first creative zen mp3 player. It was a creative zen touch, I was living in my anxiety year (2nd year of uni), and I discovered heavy metal in that mp3 player. I still listen o some of the tracks that were on it. 'Party USA' or something by Andrew WK was on my playlist recently, that funny robotic voice brings back memories. I live in memories. I shouldn't. I've done new things, novel things, different things.

 

I don't like how the september has come. My mum asked me to put the radiator on yesterday. Its raining regularly, weather is miserable. 

 

I'm working tomorrow. I'm thinking of doing one or two gym classes afterward. If I do the gym, if I work the hours - I could focus instead on the present and the possible good futures, instead of the past. I should leave the past behind me. I should embrace a future. Uncertainty means embracing things that are different to the now. 

In other news, one of my good mates got engaged. I'm happy for them. I'm having a ted moseby moment about it. 

Bedwards -