Sunday, April 25, 2010

Intention envelopes

Since about last year, I've started a small tradition of writing on envelopes.

I write what thing I want to own in the distant future, and its estimated price. I make rairly resonable and conservative, yet aspirational things that I want. These things would do well to improve my overall well being and lifestyle. I've listed sofar:

1. Bass guitar
2. Bike.
3. Pass plus, refresher lessons (for car)
4. New laptop

These things that I wanted have stayed on the envelopes for a while. If I saved up enough and if I had the money, I'd love to buy them. These enveopes represent my wants, my hopes, what I want as a future to express myself: I want a laptop that isn't rickety or that needs selotape to solve the dodgy wiring; I want a laptop that is high functioning, useful, and a personal expression. For now my laptop is like a band aid solution.

A bike would be a statement of my lifestyle and aspirations. Travelling, going places, high flying, carbon sensitive. A bass guitar is a bit of a fantasy of mine for a while. As for pass plus, I want to drive again. But I understand that's a money issue after the whole charade with the car crash last year.

I'm thinking about what other intentions I would like. Games console? I'm not sure, I dont think that's a priority. Perhaps, if anything, the aspirations I have are larger than small things; perhaps envelops cannot help me. for the things that would really make my life a lot better:

1. Financial stability
2. A place of my own
3. A better body
4. A gym pass
5. A nicer lifestyle
6. A better social life
7. My life back
8. My aspirations and tangible goals that I know I can work toward
9. A PhD placement? That would be really nice

This weekend I have been doing a little bit of stock taking and indulging. Stock taking tasks involved: doing the clothes; washing and drying; hanging up and putting away clean clothes; vacuuming the house. Pampering: I waxed my chest, arms and belly; I scrubbed my feet with dad's ped-egg thing; I think it lost its effectiveness after a while, I stopped seeing skin and I knew there was more I could scrub off. I also put on a facial scrub while I was vacuuming. I shaved after a 3 day hiatus (note to self: I need to shave for tomorrow). I also brushed my teeth.  Life seems like a chore and any stock taking is needed and a positive. I also had a bath.

Regarding indulgence, I looked at a hell of a lot of porn; I did a GCal clearup as I had a serious GCal block. I ate a lot of chinese, watched some star trek, the italian job on the TV; ate more chinese (I bought a lot) and took a fair few laxatives. Did I mention that I looked at a lot of porn. I dont think it was terribly healthy. On the other hand I realised how unhealthy it was to masturbate so much during my depressed days. I think if I wanked less and did more, I'd be a lot better off. I'm a very pleasure oriented person, that's why I react with ascetism a lot. Or at least I think I do.

I did some filing today; sorted out and updated receipts. Cleared up a backlog, and thats where I found the intention envelopes. I thought I'd blog about it since I've not written about them before I do not think. If I did do so it would have been about a year ago. Those days were not happy times. In some ways I'm in a better position, but I am also unsure of the future as I was then.

Writing all of the above seems very positive. I haven't purged in a few days; instead I've been taking lots of laxatives. I knew I would indulge with the chinese and as such I have taken the laxatives. I felt this really weird shooting pain down my right leg earlier but I hope that's nothing, not a heart attack or something crazy. So today i am catching up. I was enjoying watching the london marathon on the telly and it felt very 'british' watching it. It was also very positive and inspiring; some of those people came from pretty dire and challenging situations which led them to undertake the physical feat of jogging the marathon.

Gosh I wish I could do a marathon like that. Maybe one day...
I'd certainly need to train for it. I'd certainly need to train more than I am. I was supposed to go jogging but I chose not to. I got a fair bit more done in its place.

I would like to think that I did not leave the house in a mess, nor did I leave anything incriminating in the house (note to self, clean cum stains).

So, it's another sunday, and another week to look forward to. I hope to have a productive week; there is a hell of a lot scheduled over the next few days. I was supposed to have finished a lot of the tasks by now. I've got a lot of work ahead of me and distractions will be my enemy. As such, I really must take to a better work ethic. I remember those times back in college and uni when I found a challenge and I more or less surmounted them. There were lots of times when I thought that I wouldn't make it. Perhaps I should take a page from those times. So here's me being motivated. Next task: tidy up wardrobe.

This is my intention 'post' :)

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