Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Focus on focussing instead.

I've made an anxiety diary. its a spreadsheet using a quantitative measure of anxiety from a scale of 0-10.

It's almost getting helpful once I start getting a richness of data.

My anxiety is something that Im being more aware of. It physically affects me in ways I don't like

I'm starting to think to myself: maybe anxiety was what went wrong at uni. My fear of engaging with new situations: making new friends and settling in. I always blamed myself for never going out to the hall bar at my halls in the first day I settled in. I felt that's why I never made any decent friends. I felt that's why I didn't fit in.  I blamed myself.

Maybe I should just let go of that shit.

I woke up today, thinking how I much I needed to focus on the now and push on. I also thought to myself how I could do something positive and focus on more cardio fitness to cut the fat.

Lots on my mind. I'm trying to re-do my schedule. Cut stuff out, cut out procrastinating and be more streamlined, be more focussed. It's not to say I shouldn't think about lots of other things, but I need to do it in a way that I can manage. I can't do several things at once. But I can do several things in a day, over time, in individual units. No multi tasking, avoid distractions. Focus on focussing instead.

Review of today? Could have gotten more done. But I rested for a few hours because fatigue/anxiety got the better of me. My friend from uni ocne said he needed to have afternoon naps to keep sane. That friend had bipolar disorder. Maybe I'll talk about that story another time.

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