Friday, April 19, 2013

dear diary

it's morning.

took a while to get up. felt I could have slept a little more. Great session at the gym last night. I felt like I sweated out my anxiety with the way my brain was so drained out. Maybe I should do double sessions more often. Good times.

The work begins from here on in. I'm looking forward to the fish and chips at lunch. Although maybe I'll just go for the fish and peas. Chips are quite heavy on the tummy and its that haddock I have my eye on more. Lovely sexy haddock. It's the food that is making me motivated for work. Then after work I'll do some composing. Hopefully.

Saturday? Maybe do a class, then I'll go to work. Hopefully. Maybe another double session? I do quite like doing the double sessions at the gym. i feel like I'm punishing myself and that I deserve pain. Pain will make me pure. I still have that mindset inside me: that 'mia' will purify me.

Lately I've been thinking about how Mia is such an impact on me. Mia is someone I talk to when I need to talk to someone. There are moments when I have nobody to talk to, including mia, and I feel truly alone. That's devastating.

There's that old saying by Nietzsche, if God didn't exist, man would have created him.

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