Saturday, March 12, 2011

To gym or not to gym?

I'm actually quite surprised and impressed at the way I sorted out my internet connection. Admittedly the phone line at home is still dead, but I'm on here now making blog posts. This week I've had a few moments of upset. I was really close to purging but I didn't, then my throat got all fucked up and reminded me of why I must never start purging again. I'm quite under the weather today.

I've cancelled the personal trainer session today because I'm ill, the manager on the desk was happy with cancelling so there's no problem. At the moment I'm facebook messaging people to get some numbers on my phone back. I think a positive thing to say about this week is that I went to the gym 4 times this week. Admittedly, I must say that the session on Tuesday and Friday weren't 100% effort, yesterday because I started to fall ill and tuesday because I  went in with only a half tank empty (then I went to talk to my neighbours). Thursday I wasn't feeling 100% either at the gym perhaps more because I came back from work and did a lot of walking.

The lesson of this week is not to go all out with the gym. I mean, I should, but not constantly. I ran out of steam far too quickly after about 20 minutes. I need to have some good energy when I'm in the gym. I also got my glasses tightened yesterday after the gym. I've meant to do that for some time now. No charge either, good old specsavers. So what is the plan for today? I think I'll try to recover, in addition I might also attempt to complete some of the little tasks I've set myself. I don't know if I can do the big stuff today, however. My internet connection is sketchy at best.

I remember my old counsellor once said that its okay to have off days, everyone does. As such, its okay to only to a little bit or however much you can given the limitations of that day. I just hope I'm better before I go to work on tuesday. It looks like there aren't many shifts next month. That's not good. Shifts = money and I am short on the latter. I might (and I dread saying this) have to contact the JCP if I'm making too little. I hated unemployment, it left a scar that will never go away. Some of my friends after college were unemployed for a while and I really respect them for turning it around and getting out of it. I think many people never expected someone like me who never dropped out of school or college but consistently had fairly good grades to fuck it up.

The irony is that many of my friends who were 'mediocre' or average back in those days are now the ones who are successful. The guy who got  CCDE grades in AS levels is doing an astrophysics PhD, and the guys who were forced to do retakes in the second year of college ended up in managerial positions by the age of 23 in world recognised companies.

I fucked up.

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