Friday, March 4, 2011

(depressive black metal in the evening)

For some curiosity I thought to check out what I was doing back in 2010 this time of year. I think its a time I learned a lot from, many of the nuances of my current scheduling system have derived from then. If anything, its only the past month ago where I've really applied some changes/upgrades to how I organise my time, but since then it was only largely changed since around last April/May.

I was looking at my schedule week by week, I was sending out a lot of applications (loads more than these days), and also I was walking a lot and going off to that Reed place, in some respects its a time I'd rather forget but in others, I learned a lot from it and forgetting would undo such learning. I fell asleep again earlier today. I just couldn't concentrate. I spent about an hour cradling in bed listening to a podcast and then I finally slept. It was comforting to sleep if only for a while. There seem to be about 4000 jobs advertised on my RSS feeds today, its a bit of an encumberance. I'm also reading lots of stories about Gadaffi's funding of the LSE. If you starve a wolf and put it in front of a child, you are responsible for the outcome. You can't create the conditions for making the wolf starve and then blame it for mauling a child to find food. You've created the extreme situation. That's my metaphor for understanding the situation.

I wish I had funding for that PhD I was offered last year. I'd have done it funded by blood money in a heartbeat, cos I'm desperate to do research.Looking at my schedule last year reminded me of how eager I was to send off that PhD application to Belgium. I had a determination I cannot replicate. I got hurt by the rejection.

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