Thursday, October 1, 2009

It's official. I've broken up

It's been on the cards for a while and I thought there was a chance to rekindle a relationship when I saw her; but when she said I couldn't stay for the weekend and she complained that I got her daughter too many gifts; I realised from my perspective, that her treatment of me had to change, and the relationship must end.

I've cried a few times. I've been thinking about purging again. I'm staying these things in such a flippant way; I was thinking about how to say these words and ponder those memories all throughout my train journey here. I was thinking about all the challenges and the low feelings that would come.

However, right now, I feel that my darkenss is a bit blighted by the fact that just before I opened this window to type this post; I had a big orgasm and feel a bit numb. It was a really big one, all pulsating throbbing. I've been holding my orgasm for about 2 days. Now on to new times. I broke up with the girl of my dreams and the girl who I love the most and still love. It's moving forward now.

In the light of moving forward I have this to say:

1. I have had 2 new potential tutees contact me
2. I have an interview next week, its for a NGO.
3. I'm fairly optimistic right now about how sexy I am, however, I may 'forget' this sexiness at a later date.

Currently unwashed for 3 days, stubbly and sweaty. I could smell the guy's dick on the tube through his trousers, he also had a whiff of anal play. My nose knows too much.

I smile now, because I heard this theory that if you smile forcibly, you might internalise the smile and mean it. Smile and lie, and maybe you'll buy it. I like that, positive psychology.

Ah, orgasms, its as good as alcohol.

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