Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Early start

've been buying myself with some success. I dont normally pat myslf on the back but I'd say that today has been going well.

I woke up from about 7; mastubated until 8. Got up and brushed my teeth, shaved by 9. Did a few tasks, and then had a tea break, watching frasier on tv and having a tea by 10. Then Applied to the GTTR to be a teacher by 11, procrastinated a bit and now scheduling some reading, researching about applying for graduate studies and publishing in academia. The list of reading is long, but the acal reading, if I spread it out, will be short. It is getting up to mid janurary.

this made me realise. It's getting close to the end of the decade, close to 2010. I was 13 years old when the milennium came. Now I am 23; and life is in many ways, still the same as it was then. Perhaps the familiar things are comforting. I have been through a lot since then , I suppose that goes withotu saying. I have sen through the 90s, and now the 00s.

The moreimmediate thing I realised was this.It was only in 2005-2006 when my anxiety got bad; at the time when I couldn't see the future, or plan ahead my life. I have learned a lot from then, and now I seem to be scheduling events in my life up to two - three months ahead. I think that iks a sign of progress. It is also a concession to reality; life isn't about the glorious victory and fighting guts and glory; although that's good too, you need to be boring to get things done. The idea that is passionate is also the idea that is had on a whim. A long, gruelling and painstakingly meticulous plan is how one puts things forward, and that does not negate passion, it empowers it. If you still feel the passion and the love once you've survived so much, instead of burning out like a phoenix in space; not only are you the srvivor, but you are truly the strong one.

After I've finished up my GCal planning task, I shall be going for a jog. I've set myself a fairly difficult target distance. I hope my 'whim' lasts the boring yet painful length that I've set for myself.



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