Monday, October 26, 2009

16:12 I think I'm allowed to be angry

I missed the train to get to the job centre.

I decided that I would go home and, since I'd be at the job centre tomorrow anyway, I would ask to go maybe tomorrow and sign in.

I went home, talked to my piano teacher, who used to teach me years ago but now teaches my mum. I then had a croissant, got annoyed by my dad. I need another box for all the CDs that I am scanning for him. My dad says there are no spare boxes in the shed, so I should get some. I felt a bit thrown, and offended by what he had said, it seemed audacious that he would tell me to go to a shop and ask for spare boxes. My dad said it in a manner as if it was question begging, you know, when someone asserts something as a question, or states a question as an assertion.

I felt that it was too much effort, most of all. Perhaps a part of my own laziness. I then felt a trigger, I was reminded of the time I went to ask for boxes in the little down where she used to live, so that she would move out and use those boxes to carry her things.

After eating the croissant, I went upstairs to call the job centre with the number that the person who i called from the number on my job centre sign in book. The sign in book says ' call number p' if you cant make the signing in. P says 'call number Q' . I called Q after croissants and feeling annoyed with my dad. Calling 'Q' was annoying, she called me 'honey' aned put me on hold, twice. She then concluded that I needed to call 'R' to arrange an interview. She then said 'why don't you come into the job centre now?'. I thought Okay, I might do that, and then she said 'oh wait...', she puts me on hold and says I need to call another number. just for that, I lost hope in bothering to go, the audacity that P told me to call Q who then says I need to call R. After calling R, my sense of self-worth, self-esteem and bothering with it pushing me to the limits of stoicism. If you are cruel, or think humour is appreciated here (which it is not), I called R, and guess what she told me?

Firstly she made me feel guilty that I couldn't sign in. In a sense she has a fair point, but all this P telling me to call Q who told me to call R. R then tells me to call S to arrange an interview.

I thought at that point that I would just give up. I give even bothering. This is causing me more upset than £50 a week is worth, furthermore. I AM NOT EVEN RECIEVING THAT MONEY.

I think that for the rest of today, I am just going to take it easy, take it slow, and maybe get drunk. This is just a bit too much for my sanity. I think I am more encouraged to write to my MP

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