Yesterday I didn't feel so good, today I feel a bit more numb, and I feel like progress has been made. I feel more goal oriented and I feel like pushing myself. I need that feeling, its the only thing that pushes me forward, the only thing that makes me, me.
Today I sent off 4 job applications, I sent one query, and I made a few job searches. My schedule is not as clear over the coming few days, but it does look more manageable. I've been masturbating a lot lately, I feel that orgasm is some kind of emotional compensation, some kind of emotional alcohol as if I need to cum in order to have my 'fix' for the day. I hope I don't have some kind of orgasm addiction. That said I've been good today and only allowed once.
To counterbalance my suggested 'addiction', its' only because of masturbating that my head felt clear last night and today. I woke up with a mild lust in my body, relieved it, and I could focus on other things. Perhaps that's healthy. By any estimation of a day, I've been productive. I've also eaten a fair bit today. I've gained 2lbs this past week. It's not near 230 which is my danger zone, but it is over 225 which is my 'normal' weight in recent weeks. I have kept busy and it has been cold. I find that purging would not be prudent insofar as I'll run out of energy, and feel tired and my head will get all weird which will mean as a consequence I won't get anything done.
I am starting to feel more target oriented today, I hope that it lasts. Tomorrow I'm signing on again in the job centre, I hope soon I will stop the insanity of signing on. If nothing prevents (and I always suspect the worst), I will be paid my first wage on Saturday. That will give me enough money for xmas, expenses, and hopefully, counselling. I need to earmark £125 in my account by all measures. I think I'll have about a 20% cut of my wages from taxes to pay for Her Majesty's government debt, which still gives me a little bit of money. I hope I'll be in a better financial situation with a job than without. It doesn't feel that way.
All the same, I will still apply and hunt vigorously for jobs. I have not applied to as many graduate schems, perhaps I should, considering the luck I had with that major financial institution last week that interviewed me. I applied again to a prison and I almost applied to a PA position for a 'celebrity' political figure.
Maybe I'll finish this post with a list of things I'd love to buy if I had the money:
I think I'm going to wind down for today. Safe in the knoweldge that I sent a fair few applications. Tomorrow is another day, and another shot at hope.
Today I sent off 4 job applications, I sent one query, and I made a few job searches. My schedule is not as clear over the coming few days, but it does look more manageable. I've been masturbating a lot lately, I feel that orgasm is some kind of emotional compensation, some kind of emotional alcohol as if I need to cum in order to have my 'fix' for the day. I hope I don't have some kind of orgasm addiction. That said I've been good today and only allowed once.
To counterbalance my suggested 'addiction', its' only because of masturbating that my head felt clear last night and today. I woke up with a mild lust in my body, relieved it, and I could focus on other things. Perhaps that's healthy. By any estimation of a day, I've been productive. I've also eaten a fair bit today. I've gained 2lbs this past week. It's not near 230 which is my danger zone, but it is over 225 which is my 'normal' weight in recent weeks. I have kept busy and it has been cold. I find that purging would not be prudent insofar as I'll run out of energy, and feel tired and my head will get all weird which will mean as a consequence I won't get anything done.
I am starting to feel more target oriented today, I hope that it lasts. Tomorrow I'm signing on again in the job centre, I hope soon I will stop the insanity of signing on. If nothing prevents (and I always suspect the worst), I will be paid my first wage on Saturday. That will give me enough money for xmas, expenses, and hopefully, counselling. I need to earmark £125 in my account by all measures. I think I'll have about a 20% cut of my wages from taxes to pay for Her Majesty's government debt, which still gives me a little bit of money. I hope I'll be in a better financial situation with a job than without. It doesn't feel that way.
All the same, I will still apply and hunt vigorously for jobs. I have not applied to as many graduate schems, perhaps I should, considering the luck I had with that major financial institution last week that interviewed me. I applied again to a prison and I almost applied to a PA position for a 'celebrity' political figure.
Maybe I'll finish this post with a list of things I'd love to buy if I had the money:
- New chinos or smart trousers
- Corduroys that fit
- More underpants
- Another pair of longjohns
- Another pair of boots
- Another pair of black shoes, hopefully oxford parade shoes
- An Xbox or wii
- Games for said console
- Gym pass
- More shirts
- A new laptop
- A water bottle
- Two of my watches to be repaired, or better still a new kinetic watch that has a chronograph
- tactical gloves
- airsoft gear
- a new printer/scanner
- More games for wii/xbox, and accessories
- presents for xmas for the following people: nephew, brother, sister, mum, dad, neighbour friends, friends from school, maybe even my ex's daughter.
- mmorpg subscriptions for new laptop.
I think I'm going to wind down for today. Safe in the knoweldge that I sent a fair few applications. Tomorrow is another day, and another shot at hope.
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