Monday, December 6, 2010

Perspective by comparison

I am listening to pop music, I find it therapeutic for some reason. I've been listening to way too much heavy metal and rock. It's depressing me. Mozart makes me feel droll. Some of Mozart was good, but I thnk I much prefer Beethove, he's more romantic.

I went to the job centre today, and I've got another appointment for tomorrow. I swear, I really just want to end my claim. The staff are not entirely helpful, they just want to shift me to the next stage, the next appointment and don't want to deal with me in any other way. Some of them are nice. There was a man with mental health issues in the queue again, he was talking to himself and saying things like: "if you can't love yourself who'd want to love you?" as a justification for his talking to himself. The fellow also said things like "it's so hard to carry on, all of you people are so lucky and you don't know it", as the security staff tried to calm him down. There was also a moment when he said "if you knew what I lost you'd jump off a building". I found that awfully humbling. The man had a very expensive jacket, but it was tattered and dirty and damaged, I suppose symbolic of a person he once was. Something clearly happened that damaged this poor man.

I was pretty damaged once, I stll am damaged goods in a way, but I have a fighting chance, and a second chance at life that many would consider the stuff of dreams. From the brink of suicide and 'death watch', I graduated with two degrees and I'm starting a job on the road to full independence. It's not easy for many people, and then there are things that happen out of your control. I guess everyone is struggling in life, except those gorgeous graduates who work in KPMG or other such fancy organisations.

In the name of all people who struggled and don't have the oppurtunities and skills that I do, I really must work hard to show not only what great oppurtunities I have, but also demonstrate my own achievements and skills. Life isn't great for everyone and my issues are merely squabbles compared to their despair. I think I'll get on with my day, and hope for the best. I also hope I dont get fatigued.

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