Sunday, January 5, 2014

slow burn.

lately, i've gotten depressed a bit and i listen to podcasts on tunein (an app) about depression or bulimia or something like that. I feel right now, to frame it in a way I heard an eating disorder explained, my instincts tell me to lay in bed and rest, until I feel like im better and not tired. But the thing about mia is that I must not listen to that voice, because my instincts have gone all wrong and I can't trust them. I have to do the opposite of what the bad instincts want me to do. 


I am a person that relies very strongly on instincts. Very strongly on feeling. I may not talk much to many people but I do have feelings. I am not feeling the best right now, mentally.

After gardening today I talked to a nice woman, she seemed nice. I don't know how to talk to ordinary people. I have been with my friends lately and they are very different people to ordinary people. Last night was a baby shower and I got my clarinet out and played and then went to a pub after. I then did a lot of walking and talking and socialising. 


There's a part of me that feels/thinks - am I autistic? do i have problems intereacting with people, and if so, does that deny me from being like the neurotypicals? I wonder sometimes. 


I'm feeling a bit low today. I was at the gym earlier this week doing cardio and I had to keep my motivation going, not like a big flame that dies quickly, but a slow burn that continues and runs its course. I've got to be more of the slow burn thanthe big flame that goes out with barely a whisper of smoke to remember it. 

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