Dear Diary,

I was getting on okay until about 11-12-midday. I crashed and slept for 2 hours. I was really tired and my body felt like hell. I have gotten up now and I am trying to get back on things. I've sent 3 job applications today (from agencies), and I am a bit reluctant to think about postgrad courses right now. I'm putting it off and I am displaying avoidant behaviour.

I'm scared to swallow the egg today.

I need to do it.

I was listening to a podcast today about Augustine, who talks about the desire to do good and be good, and it requires God to fully be good, but also the will to be good, sometimes people lack the will to be good, but desire to have that will, which is what is called a second order desire. I feel like that second order desire is the start, a germ. Now I just need a stronger will, and God.

God help me please. I'll work on the will.