Notes for next CBT Session

In CBT we've been talking about aspects of my life that cause anxiety and issues. One issue we talked about was a reliance on routine, and the impact that a disturbed routine can have. Another aspect we talked about was challenging certain thoughts that might be disabling. 

 

I have been thinking about procrastination. The therapist asked to consider procrastination. For me, procrastination can be a source of anxiety on the basis that I put things off so much it seems bigger in my head the things I need to do and makes me feel immobilised. 

 

I've got about 12 PhD scholarships I need to look into. I also need to look into the whole teaching options. I'm getting upset lately. I am dealing witha complicated, nuanced and social/economic circumstance that doesn't always involve anything I can control. A level headed approach is key. However, various things have upset me and trigger upset issues for me. This makes me feel very unhappy and not level headed at all. It also makes me feel so upset that I don't want to face the world, and I end up feeling quite tired, that plus the cold makes it harder for me to be motivated to do anything.

 

I find this stuff hard to talk about. In my mind I'm thinking about how little I've done in my life, and how much of this is my fault. So I try to think to myself: start today and do some shit! But then I think/feel to myself - there's no point. 

 

I'm feeling quite low at the moment. When I used to feel this low I let my problems bury themselves over me. At the moment that is starting to pile up. There's a big pile of receipts that need doing and doing the laundry and cooking feels like a massive emotional chore. I'm using Google Keep to try and keep my concentration. I am having a lot of problems with concentration at the moment. I need to talk to my therapist about this next monday. I use Google Keep to make even the most menial of tasks possible - so I don't forget. If there's something I need to remember doing, I write it down and look at the list, and do it. Then I write other things, see other things and try working that way. Otherwise I'd get distracted by some other shit. There's too much shit going on. I think that I need to cut some things out in my life. I need to do less of my rituals I think.

 

I am starting to change some of my rituals recently, with the onset of my new tablet computer. The tablet makes certain things really really easy and efficient, like catching up on blogs. 

 

I'm going to make a list of the 5 top worries I have:

 

• Job situation
• Money 
• Christmas
• Self-motivation
• Health

All of these things I see as related - all of them require me getting a decent job, all of them involve money, all of them are issues of self-motivation, all of them are health-realted issues, and christmas affects all of these thigns.

 

FUCK

I need help.