Friday, December 27, 2013

A friend from the community garden once gave the phrase (I can't remember who she attributed it to): swallow an egg every day.


It sounds like some early 20th century reference, as in swallowing an egg whole, with the shell raw. It's a symbolic reference to doing something uncomfortable, and then being able to relax.


I remember in my anxiety days I lived in utter and constant discomfort. I knew that in order to get by, I had to swallow an egg. In those days I was the strongest I've ever been, exactly because I persevered in extreme mental and physical pain. 


I owe it to that person I used to be, to swallow an egg every day. I owe it to myself in the present and future, to push myself and do the things I don't want to do, and go to the uncomfortable places that I'd much rather avoid in order to better myself. When my anxiety was at its worst, I couldn't even think about the next week without getting a panic attack, I just about managed to think about today and tomorrow, and I had a vague idea of the day after tomorrow.


Swallow an egg. I think back then it meant going to university, doing the lectures and reading books/writing essays. Now it means something different. I'm still trying to work out what the equivalent of swallowing an egg means for today. I think that today I did it successfully

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