Good morning.
It feels like a good morning. I woke up at a good early time, I've found not much difficulty in getting up and out of bed and I feel a little motivated. I did the unusual ritual of brushing my teeth and shaving this morning (It's always one or the other). Today is my 'office day'. I'm off to the office to intern. I've been there so long I have a feeling that the boss is going to say to me at some point 'fuck off' (in more polite terms). I feel that I've been there so long I really need to jump ship. I don't have anywhere to jump though.
Maybe volunteering with the police again? I hope I haven't burned any bridges with them. I can say I've had family troubles over the past few months. That's normally a good reason, and it is partially true: I did have that bereavement of my close neighbour family friend.
I've had this feeling for so long that nothing really changes in my life that I've lost hope. I've lost hope that I'll find a job and I've lost hope that things will ever get better. I've lost hope that I'll get into a PhD or MPhil. Maybe I'll apply for a part time masters one day and hope that I get better grades. I'll start again from there. All I need is the money. Maybe I'll do it through the Open University.
For some reason I thought that I had 2 free hours before I started work. I think I squandered it by looking out of the window. I now have one free hour and I know exactly how it would go (probably). I'll start off with a slow breakfast. Then I'll slowly put my bag together, on the train I'll engage in some reading and then between the door of my bedroom and the door of the office I'm going to poop. I've set myweight target to go to 220 by the end of febuary. Since I've not been 220 for over a year, this would be a precedent. Once I reach 220 I can prove to myslef that I can go lower. I've lost 1lb between today and yesterday, I've not even had a shit yet. I think regular measurements are important to keep a track on myself. I also know too much weighing will upset me.
I probably have annoyed my counsellor a bit because I have emailed to essentially 'cancel' my appointment next week. I've taken on another shift (which will pay for the damn counselling). It's a 11 hour shift on tuesday and wednesday, in short its going to be very extensive. I think I might not have time for breakfast (again) as now I'm clearing up my mp3 player.
I'm feeling surprisingly chipper for today, considering that the past few days previous have felt really shitty. Perhaps I am glad that the old year of 2010 has passed. It brought me much pain. I want to make my own luck. Also at the moment I'm really craving onion ring crisps, that's not good is it?
In my typical luck, something is going to happen in my day to ruin my mood. Maybe I should start believing that the world can be good.
It feels like a good morning. I woke up at a good early time, I've found not much difficulty in getting up and out of bed and I feel a little motivated. I did the unusual ritual of brushing my teeth and shaving this morning (It's always one or the other). Today is my 'office day'. I'm off to the office to intern. I've been there so long I have a feeling that the boss is going to say to me at some point 'fuck off' (in more polite terms). I feel that I've been there so long I really need to jump ship. I don't have anywhere to jump though.
Maybe volunteering with the police again? I hope I haven't burned any bridges with them. I can say I've had family troubles over the past few months. That's normally a good reason, and it is partially true: I did have that bereavement of my close neighbour family friend.
I've had this feeling for so long that nothing really changes in my life that I've lost hope. I've lost hope that I'll find a job and I've lost hope that things will ever get better. I've lost hope that I'll get into a PhD or MPhil. Maybe I'll apply for a part time masters one day and hope that I get better grades. I'll start again from there. All I need is the money. Maybe I'll do it through the Open University.
For some reason I thought that I had 2 free hours before I started work. I think I squandered it by looking out of the window. I now have one free hour and I know exactly how it would go (probably). I'll start off with a slow breakfast. Then I'll slowly put my bag together, on the train I'll engage in some reading and then between the door of my bedroom and the door of the office I'm going to poop. I've set myweight target to go to 220 by the end of febuary. Since I've not been 220 for over a year, this would be a precedent. Once I reach 220 I can prove to myslef that I can go lower. I've lost 1lb between today and yesterday, I've not even had a shit yet. I think regular measurements are important to keep a track on myself. I also know too much weighing will upset me.
I probably have annoyed my counsellor a bit because I have emailed to essentially 'cancel' my appointment next week. I've taken on another shift (which will pay for the damn counselling). It's a 11 hour shift on tuesday and wednesday, in short its going to be very extensive. I think I might not have time for breakfast (again) as now I'm clearing up my mp3 player.
I'm feeling surprisingly chipper for today, considering that the past few days previous have felt really shitty. Perhaps I am glad that the old year of 2010 has passed. It brought me much pain. I want to make my own luck. Also at the moment I'm really craving onion ring crisps, that's not good is it?
In my typical luck, something is going to happen in my day to ruin my mood. Maybe I should start believing that the world can be good.
No comments:
Post a Comment