Thursday, September 17, 2009

The interview for the job that will get me out of this hell that has been the past year

In about 48 minutes I shall have the telephone interview for that really special job if I get it. There is no guarantee that I should get it, because of the job market etc. I have been tasting and sniffing success in it. I have been investing a lot of my emotional energies and projecting realistic visions of how it will turn out. I'll get the job, commute for about 3-4 hours a day on the tube (whilst getting a lot of reading done in the time), do 7-10 hour shifts, get home at 1am, sleep, have trouble in insomniac days, have sickies during november-early march due to flu, and watching the wonga come in while I hopefully make time to jog and have more money to address my inner consumer.

I'm afraid of success. I want to overcome this fear so that I can get ahead in life, even if this is only for a year or two, a job that pays 18k in this recession is fucking awesome. The option is this:

would you rather have a job than be unemployed?

However, the possibility of a job coming in scares me for reasons that would have been poignant pre-recession:

i. Is the pay good enough?
ii. Is this where I want to be for the next 2-3 years?
iii. What about my PhD dreams?

New problems and issues come up:

1. My finances
2. Possibility of a mortgage, pension fund, savings and investments
3. The future...

I cannot acknowledge any kind of future that will be different to now unless i am willing to take a step forward. I want this job to happen, and yet I'm scared of moving forward, I'm scared of getting the calouses that life brings.

Keep calm, and carry on

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