Today is a day in which I feel very much the urge to give in.
Today I woke up with a sense of jealousy and lonliness. Jealous about my ex moving on with her life and everyone around her being happy. Lonely that its not happening for me. Do I not deserve happiness? I feel that life is telling me that I do not.
I feel powerless today, and I have decided to listen to Mia. I agreed to purge at 7pm when my parents leave the house. On the condition that I get back to my schedule and try to catch up with the tasks that may overflow this week. I've set myself a lot, and I feel that many of these tasks are possibly unncessary. Alas, I will keep an eye upon which tasks should be cancelled as regulars on GCal.
I'm listening to blink-182. Why am I listening to blink 182? It's a douchebag pop punk band and seems to represent everything that is wrong with society. I guess I am feeling that down about myself, I am also in the explorative mindset. I decided to listen to blink-182 because of my spirit of musical exploration. Maybe I shouldn't listen to music I dislike all the time.
Anyhow, I'll try to get on with my day. On the plus side I got out of bed, shaved, brushed my teeth, applied my facial scrub, put on a moisturiser, put on my under eye anti wrinkle cream (I really need it now that I'm older) and I am also clean. I had a shower, conditioned my hair and changed clothes. Clean body means better mindset. That's the theory at least. I catch myself falling into accidie. I'm going to make a real effort today to be stoic and push on with my life. Who knows, maybe one day I'll see this day as a heroic effort that will inspire me. The past weighs nothing on me now. I am in a new and unique situation of lonliness. I can easily count the things that bring me down. I think its time to pick myself up.
Today I woke up with a sense of jealousy and lonliness. Jealous about my ex moving on with her life and everyone around her being happy. Lonely that its not happening for me. Do I not deserve happiness? I feel that life is telling me that I do not.
I feel powerless today, and I have decided to listen to Mia. I agreed to purge at 7pm when my parents leave the house. On the condition that I get back to my schedule and try to catch up with the tasks that may overflow this week. I've set myself a lot, and I feel that many of these tasks are possibly unncessary. Alas, I will keep an eye upon which tasks should be cancelled as regulars on GCal.
I'm listening to blink-182. Why am I listening to blink 182? It's a douchebag pop punk band and seems to represent everything that is wrong with society. I guess I am feeling that down about myself, I am also in the explorative mindset. I decided to listen to blink-182 because of my spirit of musical exploration. Maybe I shouldn't listen to music I dislike all the time.
Anyhow, I'll try to get on with my day. On the plus side I got out of bed, shaved, brushed my teeth, applied my facial scrub, put on a moisturiser, put on my under eye anti wrinkle cream (I really need it now that I'm older) and I am also clean. I had a shower, conditioned my hair and changed clothes. Clean body means better mindset. That's the theory at least. I catch myself falling into accidie. I'm going to make a real effort today to be stoic and push on with my life. Who knows, maybe one day I'll see this day as a heroic effort that will inspire me. The past weighs nothing on me now. I am in a new and unique situation of lonliness. I can easily count the things that bring me down. I think its time to pick myself up.
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